• prayer

    Praying for My Enemy

    Until recently, I had never connected my identity as a daughter of God with loving my enemy. I don’t know about anyone else, but this instruction from Jesus to love those who spitefully misuse us is painful on so many levels. After all, an enemy is one who has hurt or is currently harming us intentionally. How do we deal with that, and why would we even want to? I never thought I would end up with so many enemies. When the occasional bully surfaced as a child, I desperately wished they were friends. I saw their mistreatment of me as exposing some flaw in me. The girl who pushed…

  • person walking on an isolated path
    Displacement

    The Mystery of Following Jesus

    Sometimes, cliches exist for a reason. My least favorite is never say never, probably because I do say never. I have said to myself that I never want to move to the Bay Area. I still don’t want to live there, but it became abundantly clear that it is God’s will that I live there for a year—maybe more. At first, I mourned, which looked like listening to melancholy break-up songs on repeat. The words of one song in particular always left me teary: If you’re strong enough to let it in, you’re strong enough to let it go. Leaving Alaska brings up a lot of feels. I treasured the…

  • Forgiveness

    Toxic Forgiveness: A Harmful Imitation

    Toxic forgiveness is akin to toxic positivity; underneath, it is a lie. To forgive a grievous wrong is not unlike the picture of grief I hold in my heart of a giant ball of gnarled string, each one a memory that must be looked at and let go. Letting go of the past is not a one-time task. Instead, it is a day-by-day release as one steps into the present fully. Of course, the words of Matthew 6:12 asking God to forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass us hang over those of us who have suffered significant trauma at the hands of others. I know countless women…