Featured,  Intervention,  Rescue

God’s Miraculous and Timely Intervention

I suppose I was prepped to believe that God’s intervention can happen miraculously by a youth spent devouring the books of evangelists.  These men and women of God proved over and over how He can and does aid those who for whatever reason find themselves caught in unforeseen and overwhelming circumstances. For instance, the story of Nora Lam gave me an understanding of God’s care of the widow and orphan. Her story of staying pregnant for nearly a year while she worked in a hard labor camp in Communist China is gripping.

Though I did not expect to need rescue, I was prepared to accept intervention when it came.

The whole story is one of narcissistic abuse, but this particular episode happened about six months prior to my final departure from my ex-husband.  Those of you who suffer from gall stones understand how painful they can be.  One evening at home, I suffered an incredible attack of pain.  It felt like a lance pierced me through just above my navel.  My husband at the time refused to take me to the hospital, so I drove myself with my twelve-year-old daughter with me in case something happened.  Needless to say, it was an excruciating drive.  I drove along the back roads at a slow pace, trying to keep us both safe.

A sonogram quickly diagnosed the issue, and the doctor scheduled surgery soon after.  The Sunday before the surgery, I took my four girls to a church about thirty minutes away in the town in which resided the hospital I would soon be in.  I visited the little church in Columbia, Kentucky on the recommendation of a friend. After a lively service, I introduced myself to the pastor and his wife, Jim and Laverne.  Several days later, I drove myself to interventionthe hospital.  I was a little worried about how I would drive myself home afterward, but I had no choice.  John refused to take me to the hospital, and this surgery was not optional.

The day after surgery, several hours before I was scheduled to go home, Gerald and Laverne came to visit.  I was surprised.  After all, I had only met them briefly and had not told them about my surgery.  However, a friend who attended their church had, and they came to pray over me.

Before they left, Laverne looked at me and said, “I have never said this to anyone before.  However, the Lord wants me to tell you that if you find yourself with no place to go, you can come to us, you and your children. We are the Lord’s intervention in your life if you want it.” 

I thanked her, though I had no intention of imposing on the nice couple, nor did I foresee the need to.  I did not yet realize how much intervention I would need.

I spent the next week recovering from surgery, healing quite quickly to my surprise.  On my first day back at work, I picked up the mail.  I received the interventionusual birthday check from my in-laws and knowing that we were a bit low on food in the house I cashed the check and did a little shopping.  Previously, my birthday money had always been mine to spend, so I did not anticipate any response.  After all, I was spending it on groceries.

But one of the marks of an abuser is unpredictability.  Unpredictability keeps a victim on his or her toes, after all. My ex was furious with me, more than the typical fury. His face was red, and he seemed to struggle with holding himself in check.  I was terrified, more terrified than usual for some reason. He had a violent streak, though generally directed toward animals rather than people. I have been told that this is common. Narcissists do not care to see themselves as wife-beaters.  He told me to get out. I had spent $60 without his permission.

Narcissists, being incapable of love, often hate their victims, though they try to hide it because they fear to lose their supply and buffer to the world. 

For the first time, I saw the mask truly slip.  I felt the hatred simmering in him and knew it was not safe to be there.

Then I remembered Laverne’s words.  I didn’t have a cell phone at the time, but I did have her address.  The girls and I bundled up some things, and we were off, groceries and all. That we were received graciously blessed us. The intervention that God had planned in advance was miraculous. We stayed a week until some money from my parents’ generous interventions enabled us to get a small house in town.

This story does not quite end here.  Victims of domestic abuse generally take up to six times to leave permanently.  This is because they are evaluating their resources and their ability to sustain themselves on their own.  This certainly was true in my case.  John, as he usually did, turned on the mega-watt charm to win us back.  I returned unwillingly but knew that I needed a bit more time and strategy if I was going to make it on my own.  He was usually able to sustain the good guy act for a couple of months until the emotional and verbal abuse would begin again.  However, I did get him to visit the church once during his attempt to keep me from leaving again.

He knew that Gerald and Laverne had taken me under their wing. Typically a narcissist cannot bear to have others think poorly of him and he resented their intervention.  He announced in church, in an attempt to win an unimpressed Gerald and Laverne,  that he was going to dedicate his family to God.  It was showy, meant to make him look spiritual.  But he gave God permission for intervention in his family. I didn’t think much of it at the time.  However, Laverne took careful note.  Six months later, I got myself a car and a rented house and took the girls to their new home.  I knew I was not going back. I filed for separation and divorce.

Gerald and Laverne, tireless in their aid of a struggling woman they barely knew, came to court with us.  After the first date, in which I was awarded temporary custody pending the divorce hearing, Laverne took me aside.  She recalled my mind to that day in the church where my ex had publicly surrendered his family to God.

“I knew at that moment that you would be free of him,” she said.  “God takes note of such things, and I knew God was going to hold John to that.” 

And He has.  Though we had fifty/fifty custody for a time, in the end, the girls did not have to encounter John for over a decade after the divorce was finalized.  I wish that they missed him, for that would have meant that there was a bit of genuine relationship there.  However, in all honesty, his absence was the very best thing that could happen to us, allowing us to begin the long process of healing.

God’s existence and particular care for me are settled.  He knew my great need before I did, and arranged for intervention a number of times for my daughters and me in our most desperate need.  His intervention was timely, loving, and a miracle for my daughters and me.

Why are you depressed, O my soul? Why are you upset? Wait for God! For I will again give thanks to my God for his saving intervention.  Psalm 42:5

The account of his intervention will be recorded for future generations; people yet to be born will praise the LORD.  Psalm 102:18

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10 Comments

  • kathrynclang

    Heart warming and heart wrenching all in the same article. Thank you for letting me in for the moment. You definitely reminded me that when we open the door, God will make the change!

  • ohlordhelpusnow

    This is an amazing story of the Lord’s deliverance and protection. I love the insight Laverne had about his surrendering of your family to his care. Thankful for the ministry you provide.

  • helloleahgrey

    Always such great writing, Alice. I am so glad you’re bringing light to narcissistic abuse!!!

    • Linda

      Please pray for my daughter and her two children as she has been ensnared in a terrible relationship with the children’s narcissist father for over 13 years now. The pain is so intense and has affected all of us who love her and the children so dearly. He has made it virtually impossible for her to be free and she has now broken contact with her extended family to appease him. He checks all the boxes for extreme NPD and she is aware now that he will not change. She has faith in God but she has been severely weakened by this relationship. Please pray for her (her name is Leanne) to have strength and to find the way out of this. In Jesus name I pray also, Amen.

  • Edith

    Oh my! What an amazing story. God does know the end from the beginning and He fights for His own. Glory to His holy name!

  • Kristi

    Wow….It’s heartbreaking to hear how you and your daughters were treated. But praise be to God that he rescued you and provided for you!

  • headcasechristian

    God is truly a deliverer and sees each and everyone of His children in their circumstances. I praise Him for bringing you all out!

  • Jeremy Glenn

    This is so great. Thank you so much for sharing your story and these resources. There are so many of us out there who suffer at the hands of family & close ones, for whom life no longer carries the same meaning. It’s refreshing to hear an honest, sad story because in so many ways it mirrors mine. Blessings to you. Thank God for his perfect interventions!

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