• blame
    home environments,  Toxic

    Blame: Toxic Love Killer

    How does the blame game start? Picture this: we set out on a family trip and realize we forgot some essential item. So naturally, the first step is to figure out who was responsible for bringing that item. After all, it is crucial to establish whose fault the forgotten item is. Or is it? Then we grudgingly turn around, and our attitude punishes the forgetful member of the party. Finally, justice is served, and the trip is ruined. In Matthew 16, the disciples discover that they had forgotten to bring any bread on the trip. In what seems like a somewhat non sequitur response, Jesus warns them against the leaven…

  • Abandonment,  Contempt,  Toxic

    The Treachery of Contempt: Killing Each Other Softly

    My first brush with contempt happened in sixth grade.  A new boy enrolled in the tiny Lutheran private school I attended.  I knew how hard it is to break into a new school, so I tried to be nice to him, to make him feel welcome. For whatever reason, he responded to my friendliness by calling me an unspeakable name.  I still remember the moment for a number of reasons.  Firstly, no one ever called me a name like that before this.  Secondly, the sexually explicit term he called me felt like an assault.  I felt the hurt all over my body. You have heard that it was said to…