Communication
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Deflection: How to Spot and Stop It
Deflection is a go-to defense mechanism that started in the Garden of Eden. Adam deflected onto Eve and Eve onto the snake. I’m not the bad guy here. He or she is the bad guy! In order to avoid unpleasant emotions or realities in our lives, we distract ourselves and others from the source of the difficulty. We change the conversation to something else entirely. For some of us, being thought of as the bad guy is the worst fate possible. Anyone with children sees this in action daily. If Mommy reprimands Jimmy for hitting his brother, Jimmy will use deflection to draw the attention from himself. Mommy, but Billy…
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The Pharisees’ Argument: Five Logical Fallacies
The fruitless argument surrounds us these days, permeating all forms of media, the classroom, and even the dinner table. As I was reading in John 9 where Jesus comes into conflict with the Pharisees because He healed a blind man on the Sabbath, I found the arguments hauntingly familiar. Rife with logical fallacies, the arguments of the Pharisees have one goal only: to maintain power at any cost. The story begins with Jesus rubbing clay on the eyes of a blind man and instructing him to wash it off in the Pool of Siloam. Instantly his sight is restored. The Pharisees perceive that given this ability to heal, Jesus could…
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Validation: How to Love Well
Validation is the little-recognized glue than creates and mends relationships. After all, we live in our own selves all day, every day. Understanding someone else’s journey takes effort, in part because clearing the decks of our own experiences is so challenging. But the rewards of validation are great. Validation builds trust, opens previously clogged channels of communication, and creates relationship between the most unlikely pairs. The primary myth about validation is that by affirming someone else, you are signing off on their beliefs. Validation means selling out your position for the sake of peace and a couple of feel-good moments. Not true. Affirmation of a person is not ratifying their…
