Toxic behavior is a topic usually directed at others. So when I first embarked on this particular post, I was thinking of other people, of course. Rarely do any of us experience ourselves as toxic. But as I researched the topic, I realized that I do have some areas that need improvement. The irony is that I am reading a book called Insight, the thesis of which is to show the reader that they aren’t as self-aware as they think they are. Me. I mean, I am not as self-aware as I like to think I am. I’m going to ignore the big ones. Lying, cheating, gaslighting, and abusive behavior…

Isolation is one of the last areas in our hurting souls to heal after prolonged abuse. I think of it as Frodo syndrome. After returning from his successful quest, he cannot regain his footing in his former life. I notice this in many people who manage to escape a hellish marriage or relationship this same tendency, including myself. The further out I am from my twelve-year first marriage, the more the inner isolation fades, but it still resurfaces. I will continue with the Frodo parallel, borrowing the story from the Lord of the Rings. Frodo is obviously not a victim of intimate terrorism or even of narcissistic abuse. Still, I…

  Dreams help me communicate with myself. Those things I hesitate to admit to myself often end up as my subconscious knocking on the door of my dreams to let me know something is wrong. I didn’t come to a complete realization about how my mind was trying to capture my attention until well into my first marriage. I began to read a few books on dream analysis. The parallels between my dream life and my real one suddenly became unavoidably obvious. I just needed to think metaphorically. I recently had a dream involving my ex, who I divorced nearly two decades ago. Most people who read my blog know…