In Defense of the Gift of Emotion
*I am reposting this blog about emotion because of a contemptuous response I recently received on Twitter. They castigated me for my post about feelings and positive thinking, informing me that being a Christian is about having faith, not feelings. I chose not to respond to them, but my heart often breaks for Christians who feel they must cut off their emotional lives. No wonder our art is not longer the driving force in the world, as it used to be. Emotions certainly must be filtered and examined. But in the end, while love is a decision, it is also a feeling. I wouldn’t marry a man who did not feel for me. Sure he must decide to act lovingly on rough days, but an emotionless relationship with our children, spouse, and God is contrary to God’s will. And faith means deep abiding trust in Hebrew. Sounds emotional to me.
All my life I have been accused of being dramatic, yet I find it immensely difficult to communicate any emotion. When in the classroom or with a group of friends, I am on. My personality is big in those situations, and yet few people are privy to any of the emotions I feel. The accusation of “being dramatic” is one of those tactics people use to dismiss you and any uncomfortable emotion they might be feeling. And for years, those words worked very well to keep me from communicating anything I might feel. In fact, during my years with my abusive ex-husband, I even affected a monotone to avoid him telling me to stop being dramatic. (A tactic which I now recognize as gaslighting)
So when God reminded me this morning of the time I wrote Him a love letter, and how much that outpouring meant to him, I was surprised. Growing up attending a small parochial school in a Missouri Synod Lutheran school, displays of emotion were frowned upon. One based belief on the intellectual and spiritual interaction with God’s word. Emotionalism was ungodly. But one day, I found myself overflowing with love, the emotional kind, toward my Father in Heaven, and so I wrote Him a love letter. It was such an emotional relief. And this morning, He reminded me of it. He loved it. It moved Him.
I realize that sometimes, emotion gets a bit demonized in the church and in our relationships today.
And I understand. Emotion is hard to control and messy. Some emotions are ugly to witness and feel. But as I began to think
and pray about the topic, I received a few revelations about God’s relationship to emotion.
1: God is the creator of emotion.
Emotions for us are chemical reactions in the brain. They pervade our whole bodies. We are meant to feel, and feel deeply. It is one reason that God gave us free will. I was told as a young girl that the only way to love God was to obey Him. But that contradicts the idea that we are to love God with our whole hearts, as well as our mind and bodies. Obedience comes out of that love. It does not precede it. The principle metaphor God uses to illustrate the relationship between the Church and himself is as bride and groom. That is a relationship filled with the emotions of desire, passion, love, and longing. Relationships do not get more personal or intimate than that.
2: God is emotional.
We love Him because He first loved us. Sometimes Christians chop up that word ‘love’ to be stiff and unemotional. But God shows passion, anger, betrayal, and grief. God even describes Himself as love, which among other things, is actually an emotion as well as an action. Jesus wept, and He lost his temper in such a way as would get Him arrested today. We are made in His image and that includes a full contingent of messy emotions. The word, emotional, has come to signify someone who is unsteady. But the Bible characterizes someone as unsteady who is double-minded. To feel deeply is to be fully alive. Ignore your emotions, push them down, eat or drink them away, and they will still be there, waiting for the honor that is due them.
3: God is not intimidated by our emotions.
Sometimes we get the notion that our emotions are dangerous. If you had an anxious parent, chances are that you learned that your emotions could dysregulate them. That was your parent’s problem, not yours or your childhood emotions. Read the Psalms. They are filled with strongly felt and worded emotion. My first forays into acknowledging my feelings came in the presence of the Lord. But even now, when I need to let someone know my feelings about situations or confront them about something that affects me, I wrestle with the courage to do it. So I practice with God. And He is never overwhelmed by my anger, hurt, or frustration, though I am.
4: Feelings are not sinful.
They are just feelings. Actions are sinful and thoughts can lead us down a treacherous path but even anger, that unChristianlike emotion is given a pass. Be angry, the proverb says, but do not sin in your anger. Notice there is a necessary separation between emotions and actions. Emotions should have a say and so should your thoughts, in determining what you do. But in the end, it is the Spirit that guides us into all truth. We live a Spirit-led life.
5: Emotions don’t have to be fixed.
Research has found that the best way to dissipate a strong emotion is to express it. Journaling them keeps us from depression. Emotions aren’t broken, nor are they lying to us. Our thoughts about our emotions lead us astray. The feelings are there to let you know something is wrong, really wrong. We may not come up with the right answer about what that is, but your anxiety, your misplaced anger, your desires arise from the depths in your soul. They are not random, but they are cries for help from your soul. So pull them up from the deep oceans inside you, and show them to Jesus. Only he can bring healing to the wounds that caused those feelings.
God is moved by our emotions, just as we are moved by the feelings of those around us.
That compassion you feel when a friend suffers? God feels that too. That grief you feel at the loss of a loved one? Jesus wept at the loss of a friend. So, participate in loving worship on Sundays or any day of the week. Worshiping in spirit and in truth suggests to me that if your heart is not in it, it isn’t truthful. Those who decry emotion the emotionalism in today’s worship music forget David dancing in the streets of Jerusalem. His wife held his emotion in contempt and was judged for it. Cry your heart out if you are sad. To be authentic is to give voice and honor to who you really are, what you really feel. God gave you a voice. Use it.
Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 1 John 4:7
For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Hebrews 4:15
Some useful thoughts on the subject:
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17 Comments
rosannas2016
We are definitely created with emotions, but sometimes the feelings are not truth. For example, the enemy of our souls often brings thoughts into my head that say “I’m not good enough,” “I won’t amount to anything,” “I’m not beautiful enough,” etc. Those are the kind of emotions that I cannot allow to continue swirling around in my head. I’ve learned that these times, that I must begin to speak out what the Word of God says about me like “I am made in the image of God,” “I am fearfully and wonderfully made,” etc instead of believing the thoughts and emotions that come into my head.
Alice
I used to follow that reasoning. However “I won’t amount to anything” or “I am not beautiful enough” are not emotions. Those are thoughts that need to be taken captive. We attach thoughts to emotions in order to explain them. But feeling shame or anxiety comes from deeper roots than just a thought. Allowing ourselves to follow those feelings to the original wounding or painful memory and then inviting Jesus to speak truth to that deeper place will more quickly dissipate those painful emotions than trying to discipline ourselves out of the pain. The Word of God is meant to be heard and experienced. The emotion of shame is true. We feel shame and it comes from a number of places. The thoughts we attach to the shame rarely is rarely true.
The Frugal Couponer (@FrugalCouponGal)
I never considered emotion to be any kind of gift
ains1014
I am not a very emotional person either, but I do make sure I tell me kids that whatever they are feeling it is better to release it. When they are sad, they cry. When they are angry, they go in their room to let it out and calm down so they can come out and speak calmly about their issues. When they love, they show it. I think emotions are such an important part of being human and God is passionate so we can be too!
susanhomeschooling
What a beautiful article about affirming our emotions! I was also raised in a home where emotions were considered sin and were to be rejected and controlled rather than expressed. God in the Old Testament prophets had deep emotions, though, and He yearns for us and loves us!
Terri
I can be very emotional and never even realized it was a gift
Kimberly DeWees
This post came at a good time for me. I needed to hear what you had to say. Thanks Alice!
tiffanynicolempls
What a beautiful post. I am often accused of being “dramatic” and “emotional” myself, but I love the insight you’ve given here, connecting our emotional behavior to our likeness of God. Thank you.
pressplayhey
Like what others have commented, beautiful post. Thanks for sharing! Much needed read for me today. =)
Lori Ferguson (@Ready2Encourage)
Your points are poignant and so relevant. Yes, ” God even describes Himself as love, which among other things, is actually an emotion. ” — emotions are valuable.
Kristi
God is definitely filled with emotions and created us like that as well. We do have to be careful to not allow our emotions to guide our decisions. It to allow God’s truth to do that.
Tracy Hagler
Wow, I loved this article. Thank you Holy Spirit for placing this in Alice’s Heart and thank you that she was obedient to write it. When I was 35 I fell ill with a debilitating chronic illness. I lost my nursing career and my ability to function at times. I have experienced more emotion in the past three years then I have my whole entire life. I’ve went through grief, anger, love and sorrow. But I really empathize with those who are sick now. Sickness and emotions are thought of as something that you are doing that’s negative and maybe you are in bondage. In the past people have said, do you have enough faith for your healing? Do you have unrepentant sin? Do you want to be well? Wow the sting of judgement that came because I was grieving my losses and sick, were so very hurtful. But when I meditated on God’s Word, especially the book of Job and Psalms, I knew that my emotions were ok. My grief was okay. Job was not sick because if his sin. Did God heal him immediately when he asked? No. Do I want to be well! Yes. Do I love God with all of my heart. Yes! All of sudden I felt like I was living the life of Job. Being persecuted for my emotions and illness. This was more devastating than the illness itself. Yes, Jesus asked the man at the well if he wanted to be well. But God talks with each of us on an individual basis. We don’t know what Jesus knew about this man’s heart and we can’t relate this to every person who is sick. Jesus didn’t heal this man because of his faith. This man didn’t even know who Jesus was. Jesus also told the man to stop sinning or something worse could happen after he healed him. Everyone has their own opinion as to what this means. Was this Jesus’s way of telling him that there is something worse than earthly physical pain, like living an eternity without God if he didn’t stop sinning? Was he referring to salvation? Was this man sinning in a way that was harming his body, that was sinful, and if he didn’t stop he could get sicker? We none really know, we can only speculate. Although, I have heard this verse thrown at me by well meaning people, God has shown me so much through it. For one, my emotions have to be filtered through him. I can cry out in his presence sharing every single emotion. This is where I’ve found healing. God will heal me but in his timing. Trust me, sick people don’t want to just lay in it. Only when you yourself have sat there in the shreds of cancer or a chronic illness can you every really understand the intense emotions that come with it. The many nights of fasting and praying for healing. The many Sundays of Elder’s anointing you with oil and the healing still doesn’t come. The judgemental eyes saying, you of little faith. Wow, how very hurtful to someone who is suffering and waiting on God to move. Sometimes we have to walk through the doo doo to learn more about God and his sovereignty. Sometimes in the suffering his presence is one hundred times sweeter. He is teaching me just how very important it is to suffer with those who suffer. How very important my emotions are and how he loves for me to express them to him. Sorry for writing a whole blog post, I’m a blogger as well. Hi!👋Sometimes, I just can’t stop writing! But again, thank you so much for this post. It was very encouraging and brought refreshment to my soul tonight!!💕💕💕
Edie
I’ve always been an emotional, passionate person, so this really speaks to me in a special way. I’ve learned that part of me is what makes me who I am and I should embrace and channel it for good instead of trying to suppress it. Thanks for sharing!
Stacey Lynn
What a great post…one that I will probably come back to a few times. I am an introvert, right down to the bone, and don’t open up to anyone. Not really. I think over the years, that has caused me to not even open up to myself, if that makes much sense. There are times I think I should “feel” more, but I don’t, then there are times I feel like I’m drowning. This may be just the balance I was looking for 🙂
Leigh
I think many women struggle with being ‘too much’ i.e. too emotional, too outspoken, too passionate – and so often emotion is contrasted with (and seen as being detrimental to) ‘reason’ – and those two traits are usually gendered too – so the demonising of emotion is one of the tactics used to silence women… Thank you for affirming emotions as a healthy part of a whole person!
Nichole Durham
Beautifully stated. Just beautiful ❤️
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