Inviting Jesus into our Horror

The Horror of Abuse

I recently discovered an extremely healing prayer method, touching areas I didn’t know existed and areas I thought could not be made well. It is enormously simple, consisting of just one question. I only have to ask, “Jesus, what door of my heart are you knocking on?” And, of course, he is knocking at the door of my heart. Revelation 3:20 says:

Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, then I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with me. WEB

Now that I know to ask that question, I ask it frequently. And Jesus answers, opening doors to past traumas, grudges, insecurities, and difficult memories. And I always let him in. Each time, I discover he is a God of order and healing. He rearranges these rooms, tossing out what doesn’t belong and bringing in new things. My heart is becoming a much more comfortable place to live as he renews it and makes it clean.

The Horror Room

But I want to share one particular room. I can’t be too specific, but I can say that this is for all those who have suffered a grievous wrong at the hands of another. One day in prayer, I invited him to knock on any door that might be closed to him within my heart. I can still see the door in my mind. It was broken down with rusted hinges and a doorknob made of iron. Jesus stood at this door, and I permitted him to open it. He did more than that. He took the door off and cast it away.

The inside looked like a scene from a horror movie. The walls were barren, the floor was dirty, and the windows were cracked and streaked with mud. In the room, with his back to me, sat the person who caused untold harm to my daughters and myself. He sat in a wheelchair, obviously decrepit, with blankets wrapped around him. The overwhelming emotion I felt was horror. This was a horror chamber in my heart.

I recognized the feeling as different from anger. Forgiveness is a journey, and I had already surrendered my wrath. Forgiveness of extreme wickedness is complicated, but this wasn’t about forgiveness. I was surprised by that. I think most Christians know that forgiveness is a part of the Calvary Road. This room wasn’t about needing to forgive. It was about the horror of the deeds done in the past.

The Oxford Dictionary defines horror as an intense feeling of fear, shock, or disgust. I felt all three, looking at that person who had rented a room in my heart. Some things should never happen to anyone; they leave such pain behind when they do. So much of that pain-filled that little ragged room.

But Jesus. I permitted him to do whatever he wanted to with that room. Suddenly I see him outside of the room, outside of my heart. He is pulling out the entire structure of horror like a black thorn out of me. I felt a release and such a relief. But what I knew in my spirit in that moment surprised me.

No More Hell

When someone sins against us, we can get infected, for lack of a better word, by their own personal hells. But Jesus conquered hell and death on the cross. He can deliver us from those deposits of trauma others sometimes cause in our lives. We don’t have to carry those burdens anymore.

I know from experience that I am not alone in struggling with horror. Those who have been in war, victims of terrible crimes, and those like myself who have suffered abuse carry those thorns buried deep in their hearts and minds. Jesus himself came face to face with the horror of hell and emerged victorious so that we, too, can face our hellish encounters. Jesus isn’t afraid of any hell. Nor is he shocked or disgusted by any room in our hearts. The power of his love can renew even the most sorrowful, angry, or horrified heart.

Best new book on inner healing? Get Beating the Devil with his own Stick by Ray Sturdivant at his website:
https://www.miningthetruth.com/#new-page
 

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