Praying for My Enemy

Until recently, I had never connected my identity as a daughter of God with loving my enemy. I don’t know about anyone else, but this instruction from Jesus to love those who spitefully misuse us is painful on so many levels. After all, an enemy is one who has hurt or is currently harming us intentionally. How do we deal with that, and why would we even want to?

I never thought I would end up with so many enemies. When the occasional bully surfaced as a child, I desperately wished they were friends. I saw their mistreatment of me as exposing some flaw in me. The girl who pushed me onto the asphalt, scarring my knees permanently, or the boy who called me foul names in fourth grade were already headed down paths that would lead them nowhere good. At the time, I wondered what was wrong with me. Now I know better. The mean kids were mean for their own reasons, not because I deserved it. Their actions had little to do with me.

And now that I am an adult, the enemies are bigger, meaner, and can do far more damage. And their actions are still not about me. I can say that now because I know who I am. My identity is far less invested in the opinions of others than it used to be. Every decade brings new levels of understanding of my identity in Christ and letting go of the cacophony of voices that try to drown out the Lord’s voice.

You have heard it said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy. ‘ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:43-45

This verse tells me that loving my enemy results in my identity as a child of my Father in heaven. I show myself as one of his by loving those who hurt me.

I reflect on this because I have a new enemy. I don’t wish to go into much detail. Suffice it to say that this person is actively causing my family and me harm.

And at first, I was livid. Any injury we sustain at the hands of another feels like a violation, mostly because it is. And this one was damaging. Is damaging. And the damage is most likely not over.

But what surprises me in this particular journey is God’s grace. The surprising way this grace evidences itself is that I am free of wrath. I am concerned more about the eternal destination of my enemy than the wrong they committed. And all this while the Lord continues to lead us to hold them criminally and civilly accountable.

I think the key is clear in Matthew 5. Praying for my enemies heals me in the following ways:

1: Praying for my enemies keeps me focused on God.

When I focus on my enemies, they seem much more powerful than they are. If I occupy my mind with their actions, I get paranoid. The pain of any betrayal overwhelms me at times. Rehearsing the losses only adds to my anxiety, and I react out of fear rather than respond from a place of peace. The essence of prayer is fixing one’s attention on God. His goodness is far more captivating than evil.

2. Keeping my enemies in prayer releases me from wrath.

Wrath is a vengeful anger. While I am angry at what my enemy did, partly because it affects others negatively, as well as myself, I don’t seek revenge. If anything, I am saddened by the effects my enemies’ actions will have on their lives. When we do wicked things, it affects our spiritual lives on a deep level. We open doors to evil that affects everything and everyone around us. Wrath gives way to dismay for the consequences they will inevitably face, whether here or in the next life. God says vengeance belongs to him. Keeping my soul close to him keeps me from enacting my own.

3. Prayer reminds me that God is sovereign.

God is king, and I am his daughter. He is more invested in my life than I am. At least, given humanity’s self-destructive tendencies, God is often working to free us from self-inflicted bondage. But he is a just God; we can trust him to work on our behalf when we are wronged. One of the biggest comforts in knowing God rules heaven and earth is that he can redeem anything. I do not yet know the outcome of this situation, but I look forward to seeing what my heavenly father will do, both in my life and in the life of my enemy.

4. God is a healer of trauma.

Trauma is inevitable in this life. No one successfully avoids it, though everyone suffers differently. I firmly believe that Jesus took all of our trauma into his body on the cross. And then he descended into hell and emptied it. What place could be more traumatic than hell itself? When our enemies harm us, they often leave a bit of their personal hells lodged in us. But in my prayer times, I experience the evil claws of the devil removed from my body, mind, and spirit. I am no longer a slave to my experiences. I am no longer in bondage to my enemy. I am set free indeed.

5. To pray for someone is an act of love.

When I recognize the eternal consequences of my choices, I understand the necessity of praying for my enemies. How does the temporary hurt I endure compare to the eternal destination of one who rejects God? I may not have affection for those who harm me, but God doesn’t call us to feel fond of our enemies. He calls us to acts of love for them. The two are not the same. When we pray for someone who hates us, we invite the King of the universe, the lover of our souls, into their lives. When the harm is great, the sacrifice of prayer is real. But in doing so, we show we are God’s children. It shows who we really are.

God promises to deliver us from our enemies. What that looks like in each case is very different. What I know is that the old martyrs went to their deaths singing God’s praises. This tells me that deliverance begins in our spirits. They were unafraid of what man could do to them because they knew who God was. They loved and prayed for their enemies and, in the process, showed themselves to be his children in a way that had an eternal impact.

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How to Love Your Enemies: No Faking Allowed