How Jesus Calls Out the Narcissistic Pharisee

The Pharisee pointed out by Jesus for his narcissistic prayer is just the beginning of Jesus calling out narcissism within the Pharisaic sect. But we can learn a lot about Pharisees from this short parable in which Jesus compares a publican or a tax-collector to a Pharisee. In the following verses, we see two men praying, but about what and to whom they pray is up for close observation.

And he spake this parable unto certain which trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and despised others: Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. I fast twice in the week; I give tithes of all that I possess. And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalts himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted. Luke 18:9-14

1: The Pharisee prays with himself.

I only recently noticed this little phrase. Some versions of the Bible translate it as he prayed to himself. I can’t help but compare this to the practice of manifesting, a new-age approach to getting what we want from a false form of prayer. But here, the Pharisee is his own God. Praying with or to ourselves, both end up being self-worship, the real heart of the narcissist.

Prayer requires a humble approach. It is first an acknowledgment that we are not God, that we are finite, and that our power is limited. The narcissist or the Pharisee see themselves as a source of power, the exact opposite of the Christian mindset. I recall satan’s rebellion against God. He wants to seize power for himself, not see that his power cannot begin to compare with the author of the universe. Pride, indeed, is the belief that we possess the ability to command ourselves, others, and the world around us. More than just power, it is the self-given right of the narcissist to control the universe.

2: The Pharisee compares himself to others.

Comparison is the name of the game for narcissists. One of the most common ways they perpetuate emotional abuse is to compare their victims to others regularly. To them, no one is ever good enough, except, of course, for them. Here the Pharisee is comparing himself to those he considers the worst of sinners: extortioners, the corrupt, the promiscuous, and the tax collector. The self-awareness of the narcissist is never reliable. Here is what 2 Corinthians 10:12 says:

Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.

Paul calls those who compare themselves to others as lacking understanding. Why? Because none of us can know the hearts of others. Many of us do not even comprehend what is in our hearts, much less the hearts of others. Again, pride, the moral flaw of the Pharisee is also that of the narcissist.

3: The Pharisee lists his accomplishments.

Performance orientation can get the best of anyone. But narcissists, and apparently Pharisees, corner the market on this personality flaw. Performance orientation has another name: legalism. Legalism says that I can earn heaven on the strength of my good deeds. Conversely, it also suggests that God’s grace is insufficient for my salvation. I must earn it.

The Pharisee is pretty confident in his ability to earn his way into heaven. One of the most common traits of a narcissist is bragging. The quickest way to discover whether someone is a narcissist is if they boast right away after you meet them. To anyone with discernment, the insecurity underlying the braggart’s claims are obvious. But the narcissist doesn’t recognize their own need for approval. Instead, they use it as a plumbline for whether you deserve their friendship, such as it is. If you do not appear impressed by their litany of good deeds, then you will probably be cut from the roster of supply they must keep going to survive.

But the Bible has a lot to say about needing the approval of man. The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe, says Proverbs 29:25. 1 John 2:15 is a bit harsher in its message: Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.  The final nail is driven into the coffin of the narcissistic Pharisee, who loves admiration more than God. The love of the Father is not in him. He lacks empathy, in other words. Compassion is how we know God lives in us. We are known as Christians by our love.

Note the stance of the publican or tax collector.

He is personally devastated by his sin. He beats his breast and cries over his sin. His only prayer is for mercy. I am not saying that we need to limit our prayer to pleas for forgiveness, but the further we move into a relationship with God, the more our limitations become clear to us. We see the consequences of our sin and place our full reliance on His grace to mitigate the damage we have done to ourselves and to others.

The publican understands to a far greater extent, God’s majesty, and it doesn’t occur to him to congratulate himself. Jesus commends this approach because it comes from a genuine heart and desire to be reconciled to God. I suppose it all comes down to death to self. The Pharisee and the narcissist live for and from the self. To kill it off is inconceivable to them.

This post is just a first in a series on Pharisees and narcissism. I believe that Jesus’ words to the Pharisees and their actions exactly echo the fight against narcissism and narcissistic abuse many people face. I think the Pharisees play such a significant role in the New Testament to instruct us on how to deal with narcissism in our lives and our churches. Stay tuned!