5 Narcissistic Traits in the Prodigal’s Older Brother

     Let’s play spot the narcissistic traits in the following passage: 

     Now his older son was in the field, and when he came and approached the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶ And he summoned one of the servants and began inquiring what these things could be. ²⁷ And he said to him, ‘Your brother has come, and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has received him back safe and sound.’ 

²⁸ But he became angry and was not willing to go in, and his father came out and began pleading with him. ²⁹ But he answered and said to his father, ‘Look! For so many years I have been serving you and I have never neglected a command of yours; and yet you have never given me a young goat, so that I might celebrate with my friends; ³⁰ but when this son of yours came, who has devoured your wealth with prostitutes, you killed the fattened calf for him.’ 

³¹ And he said to him, ‘Son, you have always been with me, and all that is mine is yours.³² But we had to celebrate and rejoice, for this brother of yours was dead and has begun to live, and was lost and has been found.’” Luke 15:25-52

I believe that the older brother in the parable of the prodigal son displays several narcissistic traits. Just because Jesus never used the word, narcissist, doesn’t mean he was unaware of the concept. At first, the whole emphasis of the story revolves around the selfish younger brother who, quite honestly, has some narcissistic traits of his own. After all, to demand one’s inheritance ahead of the demise of one’s parent is to suggest that one would prefer them dead.

The headstrong young man squanders his inheritance and his innocence. He makes every mistake in the book. After recognizing that pigs live better than he does, the prodigal ventures back home in hopes of forgiveness. His repentance is genuine and his request for forgiveness authentic. For any parent who has a prodigal, this is a dream come true. The kid is off of drugs, or out of the club scene, or perhaps just damaged from the consequences of his unfortunate choices. The father is relieved, thrilled, and the son finds that his father’s love is undimmed.

But here comes the older brother and he is not happy about the new development. His response betrays his narcissistic traits, whether he is aware or not. So what are the dead giveaways?

Narcissistic Traits #1: Lack of Empathy

Big brother shows no concern for whatever ordeals his brother has undergone, nor is he able to rejoice with his father. In fact, he is put out. His inability to enter into the joy of others or even the suffering of others is a big warning sign.

Narcissists typically are unable to enter into the emotions of others. They prefer the role of puppet master, manipulating the feelings of others. I discovered that my ex, far from empathizing, actually exacerbated my suffering quite deliberately. This is because narcissists have difficulty expressing or even experiencing genuine emotion. Instead, they create chaotic misery in others in order to feed off it vicariously. If the younger brother was present while the older brother was complaining, it would constitute a deliberate attempt to shame and manipulate the younger brother. I don’t imagine for a moment that the younger brother was blissfully unaware of his older brother’s ire.

 #2: Entitlement

The older brother loses nothing by the return of his younger one. His inheritance is totally secure. He is quibbling over dinner. The younger brother gets a fatted calf. Why he has never even gotten a young goat to share with his friends! He sees unfair treatment where there is none. The rallying cry of the narcissist is I have been cheated!

One of the quickest ways to suss out a narcissist is to listen to their peeves. If they speak constantly about those who have ripped them off, they may be a narcissist. Their fury at perceived injustice can become quite obsessive. Poor older brother feels neglected because he is not the center of attention.

 #3: Ruins Every Celebration

The older brother refuses to go into the celebration, calling his father outside away from the younger son. He throws a tantrum, essentially muddying the joy of the party with his ill-mannered and petulant sulking. I don’t understand why narcissists are so opposed to the joy of others, but I have seen holidays and parties destroyed by this behavior. A narcissist likes to cause a scene or make a happy situation awkward. After all, unless it’s about them, it’s not ok.

 #4: It’s All About Them

I suppose this goes hand in hand with entitlement, but nothing angers a narcissist more than glowing attention being poured on someone else. If it isn’t about them, just give it some time. They will turn the focus on themselves every time. Even negative attention is better than relinquishing that position of the center of the universe for even a brief time. The older brother makes sure that everyone knows that he, the Good one, is highly offended. After all, he isn’t the screwup. He deserves all the love, all the praise, all the rejoicing.

 #5: Lack of Respect for Authority

His treatment of his father is often overlooked. After all, the younger brother took the position of the prodigal. But the older son is disrespectful too. The father pleads with his oldest son. At the very least, he could have respected his father’s wishes. His father was still in charge. But the begging by the father to the oldest to understand this celebration shows something of the true relationship here. The younger son has repented of his reckless and disrespectful behavior. The older son still challenges his father’s authority by his attitude. For more on biblical perspectives on narcissism

Of course, the oldest son is a metaphor for the Pharisees. Jesus says in Matthew 23: 13:

13 “But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because you shut off the kingdom of heaven from people; for you do not enter in yourselves, nor do you allow those who are entering to go in.

The narcissistic Pharisees do not want the kingdom of heaven for themselves, and they definitely do not want it for anyone else either. The narcissistic traits I have listed here sound a lot like a lot of the accusations that Jesus leveled at the Pharisees.

The best sermon I have heard on this topic was called The Prodigal Father. Surely it is the father who is extravagant with his love for both his sons. I, for one, would take the younger over the older any day.

How God Healed 1 Narcissist in the Bible

 

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