-
False Refuges: Learning to Trust Yourself after Abuse
I learned to escape into false refuges early on into my first marriage. My first marriage taught me that I couldn’t trust God. After all, I prayed for my ex-husband extensively and nothing ever happened. He must be one of the most prayed for humans on the planet since my mother spent a lot of her prayer time having a go at him as well. Because my prayers didn’t work and God did not change my ex from a narcissistic abuser into a good guy, I lost my trust in a God who changed people. I didn’t pray for people for a long time. I didn’t think it would do…
-
The Intense Vulnerability of God
For most people, vulnerability is not the first word that comes to their mind when they think about God. Usually, people go one of two directions: theological or personal. The theologically minded say words like omnipotent and omniscient. Those who take a more personal route to God say words like loving, good, and grace. But for me, as I move in a direction ever closer to Him, I am regularly astonished by His vulnerability. Genesis leads with God crafting a world and then humans made in His image to live in it. Not as dolls in an elaborate dollhouse or puppets to be manipulated on a stage. He makes humans,…
-
Healing from Attachment Anxiety and Chronic Mistrust
Attachment anxiety often stems from a caregiver who finds the needs of a baby overwhelming. Contrary to popular wisdom, babies are extremely sensitive to their mothers’ responses. If Mama feels she can’t possibly fulfill the needs of her baby, the baby learns to become demanding. The more he or she cries, the more attention baby gets. But the emotional support is inadequate because just as mama is afraid she isn’t enough, the baby also internalizes that anxious message. The belief developed in infancy and carried on into adult relationships is I can’t get enough! Later, in adulthood, romantic relationships and friendships become unwitting repetitions of this unconscious sense of abandonment. …