Godly Self-Care: Learning to Live Whole

Self-care is often the source of disdain for Christian bloggers. Sometimes they have a point in that much of self-care advice is shallow and merely a diversion from the actual underlying issues that cause us suffering. I have nothing against pedicures, chocolate, soothing music, or hot baths. But I truly believe that self-care, in its proper sense, is absolutely godly and even more of a command than a suggestion.

The human is the crowning glory of creation, whose central injunctions are to steward the earth and make more humans. I hate those memes suggesting that humans are an invasive species or a virus from which nature suffers. But in all truth, our lack of stewardship of the earth leaves us open to those accusations. But given that God commands us to steward creation, doesn’t this mean that we are to steward ourselves as part of that creation?

So where in the Bible does it tell us to engage in self-care? Many seem to think that the Bible only tells us how to love others. And sometimes, we Christians fall prey to black-and-white thinking. I remember when the church argued vehemently against self-esteem and counseling. Self-esteem was from the devil because loving ourselves was a sin. I heard many sermons on that topic. Psychology is a false science. I listened to that sermon more than once as well.

The issue is that black-and-white thinking is polarizing. Self-esteem, or the belief that one is lovable, is essential to forming healthy relationships. Thankfully, most people seem to understand that nowadays. Psychology, like all sciences, is not foolproof. But counseling helps many people overcome mental illness. And the Christian psychologists and therapists I know understand that Jesus wants to heal everyone, and sometimes science provides a blueprint on how to get there.

A few keys to godly self-care as found in the Bible:

1: Godly Self-Care – Remember the Sabbath and keep it holy.

God specifically commanded a day of rest for all humanity. Most self-care instructions, whether to get a pedicure or take a small time-out for oneself, unconsciously echo this basic human need. And just as the other commandments are hard to keep, this one has its challenges. Taking a whole day to rest from labor is almost non-existent these days. Many of us work Monday through Friday and then take care of the house, shopping, and the kids on the weekend.

This suggestion to take one day off per week was radical then and is still today. But self-care, at its core, means looking for ways to back away from the stress of the workweek. It isn’t self-indulgent to get enough sleep at night or have downtime. God created us with a specific need to rest. Rest is an act of faith, as well. It says that we trust God with the details of our lives long enough to take a nap, read a book, or just simply sit on the porch and stare for a while.

2: Godly Self-Care – For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

Unfortunately, most do not recognize this verse for its profound truth. Instead, it becomes a threatening formula. Forgiveness is one of the most necessary components of mental and physical health. Trauma happens to everyone, but studies repeatedly prove that forgiving those who harm you frees you both mentally and physically from the terrible consequences of that trauma.

Processing grief and loss always involves forgiveness. Grief becomes complicated because our relationships are never wholly good or wholly bad but contain both healthy and unhealthy aspects. The issues that well-intentioned but misguided self-care gurus sometimes neglect are the ones that must be processed over time. We don’t need to escape negative emotions like anger, frustration, sadness, and pain. Instead, genuinely caring for ourselves means seeking help if we need it and having the courage to look at our private agonies. Forgiveness of ourselves, others, or even God (if we are holding something against Him) is nearly always a part of the journey to wellness.

3: Godly Self-Care: Casting our cares upon Him…

The Lord recently gave me a picture of what this looks like. There was a revelation from one of my children that I was struggling with. I felt overwhelmed by grief and fear. I remembered His yoke is supposed to be easy, so I invited Him to reveal what that meant. He showed me the burden I felt for this child. It is a significant burden and a legitimate one. But as I walked with Him, three-quarters of that burden was on His shoulders. Just one-quarter of it was on mine.

He showed me He carried the sin, mine and my child’s, our destinies and salvation. The only burden I had to bear was that of my emotion. When we take up our cross, it isn’t the weight of the sin of the world. That is His to carry. I don’t even have to sustain the weight of my sin if I confess it and receive His forgiveness. What I carry are my emotional responses and choices. And He will work through those with me at any time of the day.

4: Worship in spirit and in truth.

Truth is not a concept. Truth is a person in the form of Jesus Christ. He is reality. When we are willing to move out of denial and into reality, we come closer to Him. Confession is one such avenue. Perhaps it is facing abuse in one’s marriage, the debt owed from financial mistakes, unhealthy eating habits, or preoccupation with celebrities. Each of us has our flaws. But worshiping in spirit and truth means that we can come freely to the throne with our faults and begin healing.

Self-Care, for me, means having the courage to admit to the scary things. It began with facing the fact that I was married to an incurable narcissist. Next, it moved me to confess my terror at leaving and staying. But truth sets us free. Jesus sets us free. And truly He did, bringing pastors, friends, and my parents to my side to help free my daughters and me from our private terrorist. Speaking truth is a form of worship. Honesty begins with ourselves and ripples into our whole lives, bringing pain sometimes but, in the end, incredible freedom.

The quote I love about self-care says we need to create a life from which we don’t long to escape. Rest, forgiveness, freedom from fear, and living in truth are the touchstones of a life well-lived. Sometimes self-care advice is shallow because it only temporarily wants us to escape from our problems. In the Kingdom, we don’t have to flee because the Lover of our souls has conquered those problems. He invites us into victories only imaginable through His love. You see, He cares for our individual selves deeply, and to accept that love means to see ourselves through His loving eyes. Self-care in this context is one of the major keys to a godly life.

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From Trauma Bond to Freedom: Our Family’s Journey