Spiritual Maturity: An Attempt at Definition

Spiritual maturity is impossible to measure. I know. I have tried. When I worked for a small Christian liberal arts university, we wanted to test whether our students gained anything from all the spiritual formation groups, Bible courses, and chapels. I heard other Christian schools were trying to develop similar rubrics, but I never heard of a particularly successful measure.

Measuring spiritual maturity is not like measuring knowledge. You can’t simply pass a test or write a paper.  In fact, a fair amount of disagreement exists about spiritual maturity. I think one might need to possess some to recognize it, but I hate even to nail that down. After all, Balaam’s ass seemed to possess more spiritual maturity than did his rider.

The topic is worth discussing because maturity is sought after if the number of Christian bloggers, churches, preachers, Christian books, and even worship music counts as evidence. And let me get the cliché out of the way first. We hear that people who are mature in any aspect do not think they are mature. I don’t think that is true. I think spiritually mature people probably have some idea that they have achieved some growth. It is just that they know the journey has no endpoint.

More painful and necessary spiritual growth lies around the corner for anyone serious about their faith.

So the older I get, the more difficult defining spiritual maturity becomes for me. After all, I think emotional maturity and spiritual maturity go hand in hand, though differences exist. I almost didn’t write this because I feared people would think I was touting myself as spiritually mature. Then I thought it would be immature to shy away from something I often think about just because some might misunderstand me.

Trust me. With every blog I write, someone misunderstands me. In fact, on my first blog, I received a somber message on Facebook lamenting that I was hell-bound. They were sad for me. I will tag it at the bottom of the post if you are curious whether my first blog began an inevitable fall from salvation.

So instead of setting out a comprehensive and authoritative list of spiritual maturity, I will give you the list of qualities I look for in pastors, Bible teachers, and anyone with whom I have any spiritual relationship.

1. In relationships, no agenda, just love.

Regarding witnessing, I do not mean spiritually mature people should not want to share their faith. I mean merely that they don’t have to win like an emotionally immature person who waits for the other to stop talking so they can chime in again. I check to see if someone is more dedicated to changing others than loving them. I never noticed Jesus trying to change anyone. He spoke the truth, loved the people, and allowed them to choose without recrimination. Those who have most affected my faith came from a place of peace. They weren’t afraid for me or of me. They simply loved me.

To love without an agenda, one must set the ego aside. One must accept the insults and misunderstandings. After all, from the outside, Christianity looks a little crazy. From the inside, it is the best thing going.

2. Seeks the truth, whether in wisdom or knowledge.

When I lived in Kentucky, many of the churches there had a distrust of knowledge. In fact, I went to one church that I heard neighbors deem a ‘snot-slinger’ church. This is when the preacher is sweating, crying, and slinging mucous around in a screaming rant. He said to the verbally abused congregation, “I am an ignorant man, but I wish I was ignoranter because then I would know that it was only the Holy Spirit speaking through me.’

I was pretty sure that he got the first part of his wish. He was ignoranter. I think that the spiritually mature are seekers and life-long learners. They acquire knowledge and seek out wisdom their whole lives. They also know they don’t know much. I was pretty sure I had it all figured out in my late thirties. Now that I am in my fifties, I feel like I hardly know anything. That isn’t a boast. My lack of wisdom throughout my life has cost me dearly. Proverbs had it right when it urged the reader to get wise.

A spiritually mature person isn’t intimidated by truth, whether it comes from facts or wisdom. Denial, one of my personal temptations, only leads to despair and bondage. Searching for the truth requires courage and resilience. It isn’t for the weak.

3. Willing to sacrifice to do the right thing.

We encourage our children to withstand peer pressure, but honestly, peer pressure only gets worse. Add to that the constant temptation to skate by; we can live our whole lives far more concerned with whether people think we are good people than if we actually are. I still remember the day I had that particular epiphany. I was in my late twenties before I questioned whether I was actually a moral person. Previously, my main focus was on appearing moral.

Turns out doing the right thing is not always obvious. Doing the right thing means facing the pain, not avoiding conflict if it needs to happen, and telling the truth about who you are to yourself and others. And as it happens, sometimes doing the right thing will only earn you disapproval. We like to think that good deeds will earn us a reward. And they do with God. But people often hate those who choose what is right. Do it a few times, and you will find this out.

4.  Has a real conscience as opposed to a fake one.

A fake conscience only fears getting caught. The limit on impulsive behavior is the threat of shaming from others. While this can be a protection, a true conscience does not act wickedly or willfully because other people get hurt.

A genuine conscience cares about what happens to others. Refraining from speaking or considering your actions because you value the other person in the exchange shows self-awareness. Remember, self-awareness isn’t being introspective; self-awareness is understanding the effect one has on others. Do you know how you affect people? I don’t always. I find it helps to ask. But if you find yourself watching your words and actions because you care for others, then you are on the right road.

5. Unafraid or unoffended by differing beliefs.

Tolerance is not about accepting all other’s beliefs as valid. I do not think all other beliefs are valid. In fact, Jesus’ own words about Himself completely exclude all other belief systems. It is either Jesus or the highway… according to Jesus Himself.  However, at no time was Jesus defensive or angry about others’ rejection of Him. He got angry exclusively at people who were either hypocrites or exploiting the weak.

I often see people online attacking others’ theological positions from a defensive position. The moment they get angry and insulting is when I stop taking them seriously. Why? Firstly, because they value the doctrine over the person. Secondly, Jesus was crucified and did not get angry or defensive. He didn’t have to prove anything. His life spoke loudly enough.

6. Doesn’t love evil.

This seems obvious, but it is not. You cannot be in the light and a lover of darkness. I read recently that a famous magician has a collection of mementos from serial killers. We, humans, are fascinated by evil. If you are drawn to the occult, pornography, violence, etc., you are playing with the darkness. If you feel convicted by something, confess it. I have never been in a place of sin where when I asked God to free me, He did not, over time, lead me away and free me.

However, getting to the place where we hate evil seems to take getting burned over and over. If you want to be in the light, start allowing it in the dark places in you. Not convinced evil is that bad? Then you are not paying attention.

7. Tolerant of weakness in themselves and others.

A desire for perfection means you will be disappointed eventually by everyone you meet and will continually judge yourself. What if we reframe our desire for perfection into an appreciation of excellence? To appreciate one another’s excellence in various endeavors and in the excellence of God’s human creation offers much more grace.

I know the world has so much wrong with it. I know that the human race has fallen and can’t get up. In fact, I know it better now that I blog. I am a fifty-something married woman with six grown children, and the number of men hounding me on the internet is bizarre and gross. But in every person, a spark of the divine exists. That doesn’t mean we should try to talk to the trolls on the internet. But it does mean that we should view the flaws of others with the understanding that they probably see our flaws too. After all, every human has the spark of the divine in them, breathed into them by God himself.

Try to encourage that flame instead of blowing it out. And if somewhere along the way you traded wonder for unattainable perfection, trade it back.

8. Is Humble.

Of course, I had to say this one. Here is what humility looks like to me. It looks like sitting in a circle with five-year-olds and being silly. I recently read a tweet that said God wants us to be noble and dignified. I disagree. That sounds like pride.

I think being humble means laughing at yourself. It means copping to your mistakes. It means no masks. The Lord asked me if I was willing to appear foolish for Him. Took me a moment to answer. But yes. I think I am. At least today. After all, I just wrote an extremely presumptuous post on the nature of spiritual maturity.

And I am playing mind games with myself already. Am I coming off as though I think I am an expert on spirituality? Who am I to write this?

So I’m pretty sure this is my list. It seems a bit unattainable. And I have more to add. Like discerning God’s voice or growing in our spiritual gifts. Or having an unshakeable faith. But I will say that compiling this list has taken me a long time. And I am not a hundred percent sure I am entirely right. I think I am more right than I would have been in my twenties and thirties, so that’s something.

Some suggestions for further reading. These are excellent, and I never recommend a book I have not read.

• This post contains affiliate links, which means I receive a commission at no cost to you if you make a purchase using this link.

If I Were Eve, I Would Leave Adam.