• parental alienation
    Abusive Parenting,  Childhood,  narcissist,  narcissistic abuse,  parenting

    Parental Alienation: 6 Signs It’s Happening to You

    Many couples in the midst of an acrimonious divorce toss around the term, parental alienation, to describe the effects of one parent badmouthing another. This often happens when one person seems particularly at fault in a divorce. I think everyone can agree that criticizing one parent to a child is unhealthy at best and abusive at worst. But this isn’t parental alienation. I recently heard about a four-year-old boy whose mother had left him and his father unexpectedly. Understandably both were devastated. Understandably the father felt a need to process this. He would launch into his rehearsal of the sudden separation and divorce and almost as if on cue, his…

  • parental inversion
    Parental Inversion

    The Heartbreak of Parental Inversion: In Eight Pieces

    The first time I really became aware of how grievous parental inversion is, came in a meeting with a student, Susan, who had recently broken up with her boyfriend. They had been together for a number of years. As my student related their history, I noticed that she seemed to be relatively unemotional. I was surprised as he had left the relationship unexpectedly for another. When I asked her about her feelings, her response took me aback. “Oh, I haven’t had time to really feel anything. I have been comforting my mother over the breakup. She is so heartbroken, you would think it was hers,” she said. Susan went on…

  • discipline
    Abusive Parenting,  Healthy Discipline

    Discipline and Abuse: Discerning the Difference

    Control The most important aspect of emotionally healthy, loving discipline centers around the idea of control. Discipline should be designed to give the child control, to give them a choice. Too many parents think that the control should belong to the parent, but this is wishful thinking. You draw a distinct boundary and let your child know that he or she must not cross it. The choice to obey you belongs to them. Consequences will occur should they decide to ignore your boundary, obviously. But the locus of control belongs to them. After all, they must make choices their whole lives. It is never too early to start them learning to…