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Six Toxic Responses to Boundaries
Toxic people dislike boundaries the way my cats hate a closed door. They figure it is their right to come and go as they please. The ripped up carpet and scratches on my door attest to their utter determination to have their way. The cats, that is. Toxic people usually damage far more than just a rug and a couple of doors. I suppose learning how to erect healthy boundaries always includes a learning curve. I, for one, did not anticipate the ruthlessness and perseverance with which toxic people attempt to discredit, tear down, and generally disrespect boundaries. But I have learned to spot the usual toxic strategies. I can’t…
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Despair: The Aim of the Abuser
Despair is not often discussed, though it is considered a dangerous psychological condition. Psychology Today describes despair as: … profound and existential hopelessness, helplessness, powerlessness, and pessimism about life and the future. Despair is a deep discouragement and loss of faith about one’s ability to find meaning, fulfillment, and happiness, to create a satisfactory future for oneself. The goal of an abuser is to produce the elements of despair in another person. In speaking with the victims of this abuse and having suffered as one myself, I am always surprised at how difficult it is to admit to the intentionality of emotional abuse. Victims often invent excuses for their…
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How to Spot Dangerous People
When it comes to dangerous people, I am not particularly naïve. However, I can be gullible. So time and error have taught me some signs to look for in new acquaintances. I am not constitutionally able to walk around with a cold reserve. My somewhat extroverted nature is to love everyone I come in contact with. Unfortunately, this playful demeanor of mine gets me into trouble if I am not careful. It is as if I wear a sign, “Narcissists Welcome”. I remember a conversation I had with my step-daughter, Amy. The guy she was dating had a lot of dangerous characteristics. He was quite open about them, as many…
Healing Through Art & Words
