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How the Church Promotes Abuse (without meaning to)
I dislike writing any criticism about the church. She is the Bride of Christ and as such, is holy and set apart. And these days, the criticism of Christians by other Christians is often abusive, condemning, and ugly. This particular issue, however, weighs on my heart and mind. I bring it up humbly, qualifying my topic with the knowledge that not all churches or Christians, by any means, have this problem. I minister to many women, and actually, quite a number of men. Each of them finds themselves mired in abusive marriages with unrepentant spouses. In some cases, the spouses regularly attend church and spout Bible verses all the time.…
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Four Ways We Gaslight Ourselves after Abuse
By now, most people realize that to gaslight someone is to attempt to separate them from a core belief in themselves and their reality. In a genuine gaslighting situation, an abuser will often say things like Are you sure that is how it happened? I don’t remember it that way. Or perhaps it will go like this: I think you took my words just a little too seriously. You are just too sensitive and don’t know how to take a joke. In extreme situations, the abuser suggests that something is really wrong with the victim, that they need professional help. I am pretty familiar with this phenomenon because my narcissistic ex…
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Your Abusive Spouse: When to Leave
Leave your abusive spouse now. Before anyone protests the sanctity of the marriage vow, let me say that I don’t take this answer lightly. And let me qualify the term, abusive spouse. Most people are occasionally emotionally ‘abusive’. These days that term is loosely bandied about and it can be difficult to ferret out what one or another individual means by it. Ironically, many abusers accuse their spouses of abusive behavior in an attempt to deflect their own wrongdoing. So let’s be clear by what this term really entails. Many people shut down, withdraw, lose their temper, and sulk. As humans, we are sometimes passive-aggressive, over-step a boundary, or let…
Healing Through Art & Words
