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Loyalty vs Casting Pearls before Narcissists
A reader recently asked a question about the line between healthy loyalty and codependency. I didn’t have an immediate answer so I took some time to really think about it. I looked up the definition of loyalty and it surprised me a little. The first word listed is devotion. The next words are more familiar; faithfulness, allegiance, support. Those rang truer to me until I began to remember my relationship with my narcissistic ex-husband. A turning point in my heart came when I heard a preacher say We worship what we fear. The words messed with me because I was trying to follow Jesus. I considered myself as worshiping only…
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The Christian Narcissist: Tares among the Wheat
Just the term, Christian narcissist, should be an oxymoron. Someone once told me that the difference between a tare or a weed and a shaft of wheat is impossible to tell until harvest. When wheat is ready to be reaped, its head, heavy with kernels, droops down as if in prayer. Tares always maintain a rigid upright position. So the metaphor holds firm. In humans, the difference between a Christian and a narcissist is the difference between humility and pride. Since I started my blog a little over two years ago, over one hundred women have contacted me about their husbands who, more often than not, are pastors. Usually, they…
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From Trauma Bond to Freedom: Our Family’s Journey
During a conversation about the trauma bond with my oldest, she challenged me to write a post that dealt honestly with the difficult journey my four daughters and I took from years of abuse to a healthy and loving blended family unit. The original trauma bond belonged to me and my ex-husband. For reference, a trauma bond is a seemingly iron-clad tie between an abuser and his or her victim. The result of the cycles of abuse that revolve around reward and punishment, the trauma bond has the same psychological effect as a trap has on the leg of a wild animal. Lured by the promise of something good, we…
Healing Through Art & Words
