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Deflection: How to Spot and Stop It
Deflection is a go-to defense mechanism that started in the Garden of Eden. Adam deflected onto Eve and Eve onto the snake. I’m not the bad guy here. He or she is the bad guy! In order to avoid unpleasant emotions or realities in our lives, we distract ourselves and others from the source of the difficulty. We change the conversation to something else entirely. For some of us, being thought of as the bad guy is the worst fate possible. Anyone with children sees this in action daily. If Mommy reprimands Jimmy for hitting his brother, Jimmy will use deflection to draw the attention from himself. Mommy, but Billy…
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Boundary Lines: The Truth about Personal Balance
The boundary lines in our lives are often indistinct because we err in one of two ways in calculating what belongs inside them and what does not. Scott Peck, in his classic work, The Road Less Travelled, divides these people into those he calls neurotics and those who have a serious character flaw. (By the way, this is a must-read) The first take the blame for everything while the latter takes the blame for nothing. While some of us fall clearly within one of these two categories, most of us straddle the fence between assuming responsibility for everything and refusing culpability for anything. If we take a close look at…
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The Codependent Behavior that Kills Your Joy
I spent most of my life thinking that codependent behavior was buying alcohol for alcoholics. I pictured a weak but loving person giving some drunk on the street a bottle of booze because at least the addict would be happy for a little while. Or maybe going to the bar, picking their loved one off the floor and taking them home, putting them to bed, only to do it again the next day. My ideas were mostly informed, I believe, by the movies. Turns out codependent behavior is a little more complicated. Turns out I didn’t just have codependent tendencies, but full-blown behaviors that needed to be addressed. So this…
Healing Through Art & Words
