• Mask,  True self,  unity

    Your True Self: Tossing the Catalogue of Selves

    In the parlance of psychology, a person needs two things in order to be emotionally healthy; a sense of being and a sense of well-being. The first seems obvious at first. We look at ourselves and say, “Well, of course, here I am”. But if it were so simple, we would not suffer the crisis of identity, both personally and in the church that we currently endure. A struggle with one’s identity is a battle for a sense of being, and it is reductive to claim an easy or guaranteed path to success in this endeavor. This search for who one is and what one stands for begins in infancy…

  • boundaries
    Boundaries,  broken,  relationship

    Boundaries: Reset and Reinforce Your Broken ‘No’

    Some people seem to have the gift of no.  Boundaries seem to come easily to them. When asked for favors, money, or permission, they hand out noes with blithe unconcern.  Others, like me, feel guilty about denying the requests, even demands of the people in their lives.  But if you are naturally compliant, suffered under the rule of authoritarian parents, have undergone abuse, or are simply overly empathetic, then saying no comes at a cost. Strategizing your ‘no’ can help you make and reinforce boundaries that are important to you, whether at home or at work. Before you begin to take back the territory in your life lost to poor…

  • narcissist
    narcissist,  narcissistic abuse

    Five Traits of a Narcissist: Their Real Motives

    While it is tempting to equate all kinds of abuse as pretty much the same, narcissistic abuse has a few characteristics outside the boundaries of emotional abuse.  Obviously narcissistic abusers are emotionally abusive. I am not disputing that. However, the goals of a narcissist are significantly different from those of a person who is emotionally abusive because of immaturity.  Knowing the difference is helpful.  Narcissistic abuse requires a different approach to recovery, though the healing path from any kind of abuse is difficult. Emotional abuse is a matter of degree. After all, we all are abusive at times. We lose our tempers, withhold affection, call names, criticize, and take our…