abuse
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What is Fawning and How to Stop
When I first heard the term fawning, described as a trauma response, it hit me pretty hard. An empathetic and desperately self-conscious kid, I eventually grew into an empathetic and self-conscious adult. Marrying a narcissist did nothing to help, and I soon learned to become a people pleaser as a survival tactic. And for a long time after I escaped from my abuser, I didn’t question it. It had become second nature. I tolerated uncomfortable and even abusive relationships in my work and personal life, often falling prey to what I call quasi-narcissists. These people in our lives are self-centered but occasionally have the grace to feel guilty about it.…
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When to Go No Contact: A Biblical View
One of the most misunderstood concepts in abuse recovery is the concept of going no contact. As Christians in particular, this decision is often accompanied by a lot of guilt or fear. We reason to ourselves that we must love everyone, as indeed, Christ loved us. But even the Bible advises going no contact in some cases. I would even argue that cutting someone out of one’s life is sometimes the most Biblical choice one can make. But as always, we need real discernment when making such a drastic choice. Complicating our decision is the concept that God forgives us as we forgive others. For many, the concept of forgiveness…
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Terror: Snapshots of Narcissistic Abuse
I first experienced terror in a nightmare at the age of 5. I sat on my bedspread, suspended hundreds of feet above the neighborhood below. A string dangled from one corner of the bright green and yellow coverlet, just out of the reach of a horrifying King Kong trying to pull me down from my unsteady perch. I couldn’t move for several heart-stopping moments. When I finally found my scream, I bolted to my parent’s bedroom. Terror feels a bit different as an adult. It is even difficult to write this. My innate dissociative tendencies keep interrupting my chain of thoughts. But it must be noted that victims of domestic…
