abuse
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Your Abusive Spouse: When to Leave
Leave your abusive spouse now. Before anyone protests the sanctity of the marriage vow, let me say that I don’t take this answer lightly. And let me qualify the term, abusive spouse. Most people are occasionally emotionally ‘abusive’. These days that term is loosely bandied about and it can be difficult to ferret out what one or another individual means by it. Ironically, many abusers accuse their spouses of abusive behavior in an attempt to deflect their own wrongdoing. So let’s be clear by what this term really entails. Many people shut down, withdraw, lose their temper, and sulk. As humans, we are sometimes passive-aggressive, over-step a boundary, or let…
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Financial Abuse and the Narcissist: 15 Tell Tale Signs
I didn’t know that financial abuse existed for the first several years of my marriage. I knew, of course, that the absolute hold that my ex had over our money wasn’t right. Not until I confronted a poster about domestic violence in a public restroom in Big Bear, CA, did I realize that a name, financial abuse, existed for my agony and bondage. No one really discusses the long term effects of narcissistic financial abuse. Just when we think we are recovered, another little well of pain opens up for us to explore and drain. For me, money is one of those deeper wells. After my divorce, I found myself…
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Deflection: How to Spot and Stop It
Deflection is a go-to defense mechanism that started in the Garden of Eden. Adam deflected onto Eve and Eve onto the snake. I’m not the bad guy here. He or she is the bad guy! In order to avoid unpleasant emotions or realities in our lives, we distract ourselves and others from the source of the difficulty. We change the conversation to something else entirely. For some of us, being thought of as the bad guy is the worst fate possible. Anyone with children sees this in action daily. If Mommy reprimands Jimmy for hitting his brother, Jimmy will use deflection to draw the attention from himself. Mommy, but Billy…
