How I Learned that God is Good

God is good all the time. All the time, God is good. I hear that at church a lot, but that isn’t where I learned that God is, indeed, good. Humans must acquire some kinds of knowledge experientially because an intellectual assent isn’t belief. The dictionary allows for both, citing belief an acceptance of a statement as truth and as confidence or trust in something.

In spiritual matters, merely intellectually consenting to God’s goodness can still leave one staring in terror at the inevitable void. We acquire the ability to rest in the knowledge of God’s goodness through the slow process of building a relationship. Ironically, I learned that God is good not during my good times but during harrowing and grievous times.

The first time I experienced how God is good was during my marriage to a narcissistic abuser.

My faith had not developed much beyond a rudimentary understanding of who God is. I longed for Him, but I lacked in-depth knowledge of the Bible, and pastors unwittingly reinforced a legalistic image of Him. When I began to seek Him in earnest, I found, to my surprise, that I did not have to stay married to my tormentor. He called me out of that marriage for my sake and the well-being of my children. My earlier understanding of God lacked nuance. Rules were rules, I thought. Instead, I learned that God cares for my safety and well-being.

The second time I learned that God is good, even in the worst circumstances, was the death of a friend.

She died at thirty-five, leaving five children behind. At her funeral, I held the three-year-old as she slept, her first real rest after the chain of tragic events. I watched as the one-year-old tried to reach out to his mother’s body in the coffin. I thought that it was game over for everyone. How could any of these children thrive after this? I felt that God had abandoned them.

Sometimes our humanity prevents us from understanding God’s long game. While I do not believe that her death was His will, I do believe that He worked within that situation. On a strictly external level, the money from the hospital provided a way out of the dire poverty in which they lived previously, even so far as providing money for education, etc.… But that was not the real miracle. Sixteen years later, each of the children is healthy and thriving. Some are mothers now. Others are pursuing their goals. But I see a grace bestowed on their lives that could only come from the Lord.

That they understand loss is a given. But through the wonders of social media, I can see how love weaves in and through their lives. Each of them is beautiful, and their lives aren’t blighted, though, at the time, I could not see past the grief. We often can’t see how good God is unless we commit to the long haul. He often allows circumstances that seem unconquerable until enough of our life passes. Our timelines are short, except in our own eyes. A lifetime seems forever until it is over.

During this time of mass quarantine and panic buying, God is demonstrating His goodness to me through little but meaningful moments.

I gave my toilet paper away to a family who needed it more. I walked down the TP aisle at the grocery store just for fun to find the clerk putting the last three packs the store had on the shelves. I bought one with relief. I used the last of my flour, making soup for a family who is enduring a bit of crisis. So when the Lord nudged me to buy the big bag of chocolate chips from Costco, I thought He was crazy. However, I always regret ignoring those nudges. So the chocolate came home with me. On a subsequent visit to the grocery store, I walked down the bakery aisle without any expectations. One lone bag of flour, the kind I like, lay haphazard on a lower shelf, the last in the store. More than enough to make cookies for that family with the six kids. These little provisions aren’t earthshaking, but between my God and me, He is reminding me that He is good.

My earnest prayer is that how good He is will become known through the pandemic.

I know that He weaves His earnest love and generous grace through events such as these. Some of us will suffer much, but even in that, He is present, brooding over our broken lives. If God is for us, who can be against us? Well, the world, the flesh, and the devil, for starters. But the point of that scripture is to remind us that just as light banishes the darkness, so God’s goodness will chase away evil. All the evil in the end as it happens. Then all that will remain is His goodness.

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IF God is good, why is there suffering?