Be a Narcissism Detector with 1 Test
Now that I am seventeen years free of being held captive in an abusive marriage, I am quite a good narcissism detector. But a friend recently recommended the youtube videos of a life coach named Richard Brannon in Southern California. He made some extremely wise connections that answered some serious questions that I could never seem to get answered. (I am putting a link to his channel at the end of this blog. He is excellent, but he uses language that some might find difficult to listen to.) Seriously, he is the best narcissism detector I have heard.
His first observation that struck me was that if you want to be a narcissism detector, you have only to administer one small test. Smile
and say no. Boundaries are intolerable to narcissists. Brannon described it as sitting in a restaurant with your milkshake. The narcissist across the room stretches his straw all the way into your milkshake and drinks it down. The invasive behavior of a narcissist is always about destroying personal boundaries with the goal of complete domination. He is after you and everything you have.
Rule #1: What’s his is his, and what’s yours is his, too. Narcissists don’t share.
My in-laws always sent me a check for my birthday, which my ex-husband would promptly confiscate. In the fourteen years I was married to him, I could never have any money given to me by others. I circumvented this with my parents by requesting specific gifts, but it was a source of serious resentment for me. Occasionally, I would pull myself together and decide to say no.
One birthday in Kentucky, we were seriously low on groceries. Going to the post office box, I found my birthday check there and spent it on groceries at a local Asian market. I came home with several bags of groceries and about fifty bucks in my pocket. I made the mistake of owning my birthday gift. In his mind, that gift belonged to him. The rage on his face is something I still remember. He kicked the girls and me out of the house.
Rule #2: Any attempt at boundaries is severely punished.
I had kind neighbors who drove me five hours to the Atlanta train station where I crossed the country with my four daughters. At the time, my youngest was four months. I remember the anxiety and exhaustion of crossing the country in a train. We did not have a sleeper car. Any attempts to put up a boundary generally met with this kind of response. People often asked me why I could not talk to him or bring him to reason. How could I possibly explain it? This kind of reaction happened over a hundred dollars.
Another question that Brannon answered for me is why it is so difficult to leave a narcissist. They always come after you, over and over, to the point of being ridiculous. After a five-day train trip with three little girls and an infant, I arrived at my parent’s house to find John calling incessantly. I can’t describe how apologetic he was. He trapped me for hours on the phone, pleading with me, begging me to take him back. Note to self: Narcissists talk for hours and hours. I can’t help but think of the Proverb’s verse that says in many words there is sin.
Rule #3: Narcissists overwhelm you with words, breaking down verbal boundaries.
A narcissist does not rest until you are completely destroyed. They lure you back over and over so that they can wreak more and more destruction. The reason for this is that because they are incapable of accessing, much less owning, the horrific void within themselves, they strive to create it in others so they can experience it vicariously.
When Brannon put this into words, some interesting contexts came together for me. When, at seventeen, John and I told my mother that I was pregnant and that we were getting married, she went into shock. Later, she described to me the eager look on John’s face when we broke the news. She felt he enjoyed her emotional pain at the news. She was more right than she knew.
Rule #4: Narcissists enjoy your pain.
He often seemed to enjoy my suffering, putting me into situations that were, at best, impossible and, at worst, humiliating. At one point, I was about to start my first job as a teacher. The morning I was to begin, he took the keys away from me, leaving me to disappoint my employer. I think that was just the beginning of his plans to destroy my career as a teacher, though fortunately, he failed.
I have since learned that the smirk he often wore on his face is typical of narcissists. Do you see a contemptuous look on the face of your spouse? Narcissists like to see you unhappy. It makes them feel in control and gives them a sense of power. The contempt? Well, if you give in, they just proved that you are the weak one. If you don’t give in, prepare for war. Either way, they enjoy the pain they cause.
Rule #5: You are the narcissist detector of your life.
Another point he made in the video I watched was that not all narcissism is overt. Certainly, my ex was aggressively narcissistic. But one danger of being naturally empathetic is that covert narcissists often search you out. These narcissists spend a lot of time discussing empathy but rarely give any. They come to you and pour out their woes, and then after they leave, you discover yourself drained of energy.
Basically, if you want to be a narcissism detector, you have to say no to the boundary pushers in your life. The last point he made was that diagnosing Narcissistic Personality Disorder isn’t up to you or me. Even trained psychologists find it challenging since all narcissists lie. All that matters is that you become the narcissism detector in your own life.
Narcissistic abuse, whether pathological or not, damages people. Find out early in a relationship by erecting boundaries if the suspected narcissist views those as threatening or amusing opt-out. Say no a couple of times and see how they handle it. How people respond to a refusal speaks volumes about them. If you want to be a narcissism detector, say no. Say no to the theft or destruction of your possessions. Say no to the word salad overwhelming you. Call out the enjoyment of others’ suffering, including yours. Their reaction will tell you everything you need to know.
My last observation is that in Proverbs, it says that a righteous man is satisfied from himself. This means that a good person has developed themselves enough that their emotional, intellectual, and spiritual life is fulfilling. A healthy person doesn’t have to drink down anyone else’s milkshake. They like theirs just fine.
As an Amazon affiliate, I receive a small commission off purchases at no cost to you.
49 Comments
Heather Hart
Boundaries are so important.Thanks for sharing your story.
Cheri Lozada
I just finally got out of a 30 year marriage to a narcissist I didn’t even know the term until Facebook started being a thing. One day happened across the term and read up on it and wow I was amazed that I didn’t even notice it. I suppose when you’re busy raising children on your own it just slips past you. Just reading this article makes my heart heavy. Like “people often asked me why I could not talk to him, bring him to reason. How could I possibly explain it?” I don’t think my dad understood the term either but after 7 years of marriage he started putting half of the Christmas present to us in a card, and then shove the rest in my back pocket as I was going home. I pray this article helps at least one person stay away from a narcissistic abuse of relationship.
Cherubic
Exactly my 16yrs until I developed a heart condition and realised it’s over💔. I realised my husband is weird on the eve my wedding. If the guests had not already arrived I would have called off the wedding. I only learnt a the term Narcissists a couple of years ago after leaving the Bondage.
Ronda Powers
I’d like to see articles about that to do when the narcissist is a woman. My mother is a malignant narcissist. I am 60 and still coming to grips with the carnage she inflicted on my sisters and I. Unfortunately my youngest son married a narcissist. Not only did she abuse him mentally but physically as well. The shame is real when the victim is a man, too. He was in the military and had to keep the secret that she was yelling at him and hitting him. He is a big, tall young man but could not defend himself from her or he would go to jail or get kicked out of the military. He couldn’t very well tell his commanding officer that his wife was abusing him. Not only would he have not been believed but would have faced extreme ridicule. He has been divorced from her for several years but she continues to unleash fresh hell on him by using his children as weapons. I feel so bad for him and pray for him. My only advise to him is to seek the Lord for strength and to find out as much as he can about narcissism so he will know what her strategies will be. It always seems like the narc is holding all of the cards. Even though they are divorced I can see her hurting my son and tormenting him just like my mother did to every man that she was involved with. Sickening.
Alice Mills
https://poemachronicles.com/narcissistic-mother/
Melissa
Generally the only time I have a narcissist in my therapy office is during marriage counseling. (They don’t feel like they need individual therapy) They are proficient at attempting to triangulate, manipulate, and play the victim during the session.
Nina
One day I was talking to someone and they used the word narcissist I’d never heard that before so I started researching and the move I read the more I’m convinced I’m married to a narcissist.. here’s a few things I’m going through now and you tell me.. I’m not aloud to work he says cause he wants to take care of me. I have no friends I have very little or no contact with my family he doesn’t like them for one reason or another I constantly wonder what to do what to say worried it’s going to start a fight.. and no matter what I’m always wrong even about the weather it’s seems .. we have been together 23 years married for 17 and have 3 kids together.. I need help knowing the best way to leave ..
Alice Mills
Be prepared. You need a plan and people to support you.
Katie Braswell
Ooooo! Yes! I can attest to this rule (if only a few times, I actually noticed it). “Narcissists talk for hours and hours.”>>> This is also so very very true! You and I have similar narcissist stories. I too was married and now divorced to/from one. It’s all so clear now, in hindsight. It wasn’t so clear then. This is such sound knowledge you are passing along. Also, thank you for your transparency. <3
Susan Evans (@SusanCEvans)
I’m just sitting here crying as I read this post. I know SO MANY men like this! It’s worse in some men than others. The weird thing is that people think they are Christians, and they believe that inflicting physical suffering on their wives is not a sin.
I was kicked out of a church because I took a stand to protect women against sexual medical damage, because the pastor was telling the men behind the closed doors of his office that men could do whatever they wanted “behind closed doors,” as if God turns His head and yawns and doesn’t care that women are harmed. After showing them Scripture and medical information from some of my friends who had permanent damage to their bodies, the pastor and elders refused to alter their counsel to men. They told me to shut up. I said, “May God’s judgment fall on your heads!” I was formally kicked out of the church for being in “sin.”
Christ has FURY about this. It’s called the wrath of God, and it’s inside me. I feel that fury and it sometimes drives me to despair.
Piotr
Protestant churches are heretic and each and every one teaches different things. They did you wrong, but it’s good to hear, you didn’t blame it on Christianity, like many people would, but your faith was strong enough to see through people.
Beach
It isn’t just men. Just remember the women that make them. I can assure you my mother is the biggest narcissist on the planet and her son is a close second! They are two of the cruelest people I know and the trauma suffered at their hands has been worthy of a book.
Jennifer
I feel like the more we get the word out about the narcs and how we know what they are, they are gaining weapons for their arsenal, turning it around and calling us narcs, and we get stuck in this vicious cycle where for everything we do or say to defend, they have some gaslighting, they love gaslighting. And we are creating an entire generation of children that are growing up to be ungrateful adults, once children that needed reprimanding, and there is not any way that is not deemed abuse these days in which to do so. Basically, if your child is ever punished for anything, you become this abusive mother instead of the reality which was that your child was ornery as disobedient, which is of course your fault, but any memory or non memory of them being punished falls on you just as hard, it is a catch 22. The only thing that keeps me from losing my mind is knowing my virtues and my worth and that I am the best mom my daughters could have been given because God chose me, and my heart was always in the right place, and I gave my all to my children, even if they don’t remember a thing, I remember everything. I worry about my oldest 2 daughters who have succumbed to the cult and are now narcissists. That is what keeps me from going no contact. They are my babies. I never want to lose hope that they will come out of this and become wise for their experiences with a narcissistic family, and choose love. It really fogs their mind, all the manipulation and hate, keeps them from realizing they made a very poor decision and the family they left behind would never hurt them the way those people do. They seem so oblivious. They just keep getting more and more unhealthy and blaming it on me because they are told to. My youngest only got wise to their hate when she found out that they are extremely racist. Even at a young age, she saw the ridiculousness and irrationality of that unwarranted hate. She saw their true colors.
Anonymous
It’s not only men. And even if it was. Why is this not treated like a mental disorder akin to any other? I honestly believe a large number of the people yelling narcissist are in fact , the narcissist and are projecting their weakness onto the victim.
Hannah Ackley
I am so very sorry that you had to endure such a manipulative and abusive relationship. But thank you for writing this, I am sure that God will use it to help women break some chains with some people they don’t wish to be tied to!
Chhater
Most of the comments I have read here are from women and everyone has blamed their husband for being narcissistic. If only men are narcissistic and women not. My personal experience with one of my close relative is no just opposite to this.
Alice Mills
Plenty of women are narcs. They usually hide it better.
Anonymous
So very true
Kàt
I was terrorized by two narcissistic women. For over a year I was mind fucked constantly. Lied to, had many items stolen,items hidden, made to feel crazy, borrowed money from me, I foot the bill for food, toiletries, didn’t pay rent, used my name to steal. Copied keys. It was HELL ON EARTH. I was blamed for things I didn’t do. I have so much more to say. I need à counselor that knows about narcissistic behavior and can’t find one in the small town I live in. I’m suffering and don’t know what to do!
Alice Mills
Have you considered online counseling? There are many resources online. Recovering from such cruelty takes time and help!
keisharussell84
Thank you for sharing your story. I know the “narcissist” all too well and I praise God everyday that now I am no longer bound by the thoughts and feelings that I use to believe because of their behavior. You are right on when you wrote, “You see, a narcissist isn’t satisfied until you are completely destroyed. They lure you back over and over so that they can wreak more and more destruction.” So many times this happened to me and I have seen it happen to so many others. You feel trapped by their destruction..
Lori @ Frog's Lilypad
Reading this caused the hair on my neck to stand up. I’ve only had contact with one person like this and it was a pastor. After we returned home from planting a church, we were going to help this man get the plant he started off the ground. The lies this man told to my husband were astounding.To make a long story short, his wife knew I was aware of the problems and she quietly asked us not to stay, for our family to leave. When we left that day and didn’t go back, my husband was verbally attacked by that man and was told he would ruin our ministry. Sadly, this sweet wife is still with him and two of their daughters, the other left to live life as she saw fit.
Bonnie Lyn Smith
Oh my goodness! Thank you for this article! I am so sorry for your horrific experiences, but you are helping so many people with your transparency. Even in my own small circle, I know so many people damaged by narcissists. Bless you! Pinning, tweeting, posting on Facebook!
Aryn The Libraryan
So glad you are free, and have answers. Thanks for sharing, as so many need to hear this!
jesusglitter
I’m not sure which is worse the passive aggressive or the narcissist. Actually, they are just two different kinds of evil. I am so sorry for your pain and glad for the healing power of Jesus. God doesn’t waste a thing and what has happened to you and others including myself is hope for others by sharing your story. Th enemy may make us feel isolated, but God unites us to stand strong!
Ann John Ashley
My goodness I can’t even imagine what you have gone through those many years of your life. this was jaw drop for me.. “The invasive behavior of a narcissist is always about destroying personal boundaries with the goal of complete domination. He is after you and everything you have.”
ewebster20142017
Alice, I wanted to let you know that I nominated you for the Blogger Recognition Award! I think you have a beautiful site and great content! Here’s the link to my article about the award, and simply follow the steps if you choose to accept the nomination: https://www.tounearth.com/blogger-recognition-award-nomination-2/. Thanks for blogging and for the encouragement you bring to your readers!
Kristi
I’ve had to deal with one person in my life that was a narcissist. I’m a person who believes the best in people and it too me forever to realize what was actually going on. I thought I could reason but your right, there is no reason. It was horrific the lengths that person would go to try and destroy the person in my life that I was supporting. When I refused to back out of my friend’s life they turned their attention to me and tried to destroy me. It was crazy but I am so thankful I was rooted spiritually because I don’t know what I would have done otherwise. God carried us through and eventually those who had believed the narcissist saw with their own eyes the truth.
merryohler
Tears for all you and your girls endured, sister. I loved the first thing you shared, “Smile and say no.” This is so accurate. Thank you for opening up to show others the light!
The Other One
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! Me too, I married a (passive) narcissist. During our relasionship, he loved to hurt me, isolate me from society and manipulate me. When our son was born, I realised what is going to happen and started to figth against. We live now in divorce and have a four years old son. Unfortunatley the tribunal accepted that they gonna pass regulary time together, and I can see he is going to start „his work“ on him. I still pray that god will never stop to protect my little sweetheart.
Jane
I am currently guiding a young couple to free themselves from an extremely narcissistic mother embedded in a narcissistic family. It spans generations, beginning with the grandmother. The younger sister, in her mid 20s,is being groomed to be the worst of all. The rest of the family are true blue flying monkeys. It’s basically a cult. One is beaten down to have zero self worth. The smug glee the narcs have when the young couple break down in pain is bone chilling. The young couple had to retain the services of an attorney to enforce their demand for no contact. One thing I’d like to share is to avoid actually appearing in court if at all possible.( example: securing a restraining order). The narcs are skilled at gaslighting their victims so that the victims go through great emotional trauma again in court. Since this young couple’s case was so severe, I sought stellar advice from one of the most outstanding attorneys in the country. He said it all boils down to a head game. The victims have to get strong mentally and enforce No Contact, never taking the narc’s bait. Not even once. I’ve had people in their 60s tell me that now that their narc parent is dead, they are finally free. 60 years of a robbed life being mentally and physically abused. Exposure and education has to end this cycle. Alice, I am giving you a standing ovation for writing an excellent article. I’ve been reading everything out there on narcissistism. Some ramble on , others touch some good points. Yours hits a note which makes so much sense. Bravo! Bravo! You risked exposure to save others. I’m betting you sent out many lifeboats. Thank you.
Remembering Lives
I agree they effectively try to create their own cults.
MJ
Thank you for sharing! My greatest fear is not being able to trust anyone again….especially myself because I seem to have an internal magnetic for men with narcissistic personality traits. I’ve been involved with 2 in the last 5 years. I am reading and watching everything I can get my hands on and it makes my head spin realizing just how many people have these characteristics and they think there is nothing wrong with the way they think and treat people.
Alice Mills
I have found the only way to trust myself again is to be ruthlessly honest with myself. I no longer try to sell myself on how great someone is. The moment they say or do something off, I am bringing it up, even to the point of bluntness. Learning to be direct has been one of the biggest struggles for this confrontation avoiding girl!
Cheryl
Excellent article I had suspected I was being manipulated. I just didn’t want to believe it. I’m now isolated ,and the bad stories are being told.i learned people with the biggest mouths have the most insecurity. They feel they are entitled, to things which are not a part of their journey. My heart hurts but I know God has always had my back.
Pingback:
Jacquelyn
Thank you for sharing this vital information and also your personal experiences, even though painful, so that others can learn about narcissistic behaviors. Sadly, I think this is something we need to teach our youth about, especially young women, to help them recognize the red flags and have a solid, safe plan for avoidance and/or ending relationships before it gets to a point of no return. No one should have to go through what you did and many others do day after day.
This is not what God intended for marriage nor families, no matter what the abuser says or what a pastor or elder says. We need to continue spreading the word that this is not right in the eyes of God and not acceptable. Period.
Wallin Fam
am pretty sure that i found your blog from a fb post by Praying Medic.
A girlfriend from church who ive known for about 8 yrs is married to a guy who claims to be a christian but uses what i can only call religious abuse and has addictions and seems like an intimacy anorexic. Now that i have read your blog and watched the Richard Grannon YT video it sure seems he fits the behavior of a narcisist. She is committed to her marriage as she took a vow to God.
One day i will share your blog with her.
Glad i found you!
Bless you for putting this info out there.
I think she has endured this crap for at least 10-14 yrs. but has known him even longer than that.
She got a prophecy about him totally flipping to become the opposite of how he is about 6 years ago, so that has given her strength to keep holding out each time she has almost seperated from him. She is one of those who prays scripture and makes declaration daily about their family and future and his character and choices. I might be a narcisist, too. Maybe that is why we are friends?
I just want her to hear your story and learn this new vocabulary word: Narcisist. If its God’s will for her to divorce him she is gonna have to hear from Him or she will stay until death.
Anonymous
I am 69yrs old. If I would have the info about narcissism during my early twenties, I would have walked away from the man I have been married too for 49 yrs. My life has been a living hell, so much so, I had another major surgery a few months ago and I prayed for God to allow me not to wake up from the operating table. I am a cancer survivor , I believe with all my heart, I did this to myself, by allowing myself to be abused, emotionally , mentally and finally four years ago it became physical….to this day…he will not take any responsibility . I filed for a divorce 4yrs ago. To my shock, the magistrate, looked at me , and told me to move back home and hold my ground. HAND ON THE BIBLE he said that. Knowing, I was being abused…his logic, I am disabled, I had no insurance , nothing. Was in therapy from secondary complications. I am now, at the request of a angel, councilor with Project Woman, a dear Christian friend who has been with me for decades, watched me stand on my faith, writing a book. I don’t like reliving the hell I have survived , but they both feel I have much insight and wisdom to help others. I am prayed for God to give me validation it is from Him. In the hospital, He did just that. A young nurse, confided in me, I could see the stress, hear it in her voice . She said, ” Okay, what is the secret to being married almost 50yrs? I said, “Funny you ask. I am being encouraged to write about that same question……long story short…she came back when her shift was over, confided in me, she was walking away from her career in nursing, her family and friends to follow her husband to NY. She was heartbroken. She knew she was making a mistake…. I revealed the hell, I have lived in, to submit to my husband…. she looked at me, with tears and said, “Write that book, because I will surely read it. She was maybe, in her late tweenies , the same age I left my husband the first time, and was foolish enough to go back………….If I would have had someone older, wiser, who spoke truth to me, that what I was living in, was not love, it is lust. PERIOD Do not contact me, this is my husbands computer
Ronald McBurney
I would like to know why the definition of narcissism seems to be excluding women? I’m the product of an extremely self centered and greedy mother, who ended up setting me on fire when I was 13 years old. The abuse started when I was 4 years old and I use this age because I have been told by educators, social workers, psychologists and psychiatrists that no one could possibly have a memory of events prior to that age. In my own research and treatment for problems related to failure to thrive, fears of being totally inadequate, memories that totally lack anytime in my memories in my family of origin, of ever being held or told that I was loved or wanted from my mother. This is no exaggeration. Several of the extended family relatives (aunts, uncles, grandparents, that they never could figure out why I was treated so badly by her, and why I said nothing, and that my older brother and 3 younger sisters were always spoken of and treated so well, but not me. My brother got the most attention and benefited from my earnings early on when I did lawn jobs, or shoveling snow out of driveways and off of sidewalks and steps each winter. He got the money to go fishing and for his own wardrobe, and I got his handme downs. This would’ve not been a problem, but he was way taller than me, and weighed at least 3 times as much as I did. When I started kindergarten, I was the shortest boy, even the girls were all taller. This really didn’t change until I was a sophomore in High School. My sister a year and a half younger than me was five years old, she was as tall as me, and I finally caught up to her when I was a sophomore, and didn’t really grow much taller until I was a junior, and then only reached 5’6”. She was 5’4” then, and my brother was 5’11” by then, and over 280 lbs. And I still had to wear his handme downs, and I weighed only 90 lbs until I was a junior, and then only weighed 110 lbs. If Ed e downs anyone ever fit the category of self centered, drama queen, and self anointed saint it was both my older brother and my younger sister just behind me. There was nothing they didn’t ask for that they didn’t get, while I always had to wait and even didn’t have Birthday clothes or Christmas clothes to look forward to, because handme downs were always good enough for me. So what gives? I have an M.S. in Counseling, with an emphasis in
Disabilities Counseling, of almost any kind of disabling conditions, including genetic. And I was never told that ANY psychological problems were gender
specific, possibly anorexia, but then In today’s world even that is changing. I would never want anyone to be treated as if their gender was the ultimate basis for their mental issues, because that is projecting onto them my ideas of gender bigotry, prejudices, or beliefs, not necessarily a problem exclusively for or against any gender. To me that would be a Counseling problem very much that could be considered enmeshment with a client, which never helps them to become independent of their Counseling relationship in order to begin to understand how and what they themselves can do to extricate themselves from the narcissistic abuser, and women can and are some of the most abusive in any relationship when they are the narcissistic abuser, as well
as men are when they are abusive towards anyone else. There seems to be a disconnect here that I am not understanding. Are Counseling professionals now encouraging people with psychological issues to remain dependent on their Counseling professional? This is not good under any circumstances. Unless the
Counselor has an underlying problem with the client becoming self sufficient and independent in their own life and on the road to some healing? Please let me know where I am wrong with my questions?
Alice Mills
I don’t think you are wrong. In fact, I wrote 7 Signs of a Narcissistic Mother because abusive mothers abound. But here is the thing… This blog is a reflection of my experiences as a woman. I don’t have experience as a man experiencing abuse from a woman. Perhaps you might consider writing about your experiences. I do know that there are quite a few men out there who do.
Anonymous
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing, so many people out there who have had to deal with this terrible abuse……
I’ve had problems with someone at work over the last 6 months, who turned on me for no reason at all, started completely ignoring me when I said hello her or spoke to her, she was friendly originaly. People overlooked it, even the area manager, as they were aware of how she was treating me but she turned it into her own sob story when confonted. Played the victim…she was intimidated by me etc…. and they believed her. She even kept on with the abuse/ bullying even though she had a verbal warning. That was until I went to HR with all the written dates and incidents. She is a changed person now, it must kill her to be nice, but if she wants to keep her job she has to do it. I do believe she is a narc after reading many articels on the subject.
This made me think back to a female friend I had a problem with about 10 years ago. After reading this I think she was a narc. Everything about her, contant talking, would keep me on the phone for 6 hrs daily. I stopped answering the phone, but it took me 6 months to realise because she did need emotional help and I wanted to help her. She sucked the life out of me and it was only that the Lord told me 3 times in variuos ways to remove myself from people who are drains/ or emotional vampires. He also told me I was being manipulated. So I ended the friendship, this didn’t go down very well as you can imagine.
Anonymous
This really hits home. And some of the comments are so very familiar.
I’m so afraid to say no. After 29 years of the emotional and mental breakdown from him how does one get away?
Anonymous
Sadly the church doesn’t talk about emotional abuse or narcissism. The narcs are the spirit of the leviathan. Pastors of churches can all fall victim to this. After 24 years of being with someone who verbally abused, and humiliated me. I am happy that we are separating. I feel blessed. Marriage is not more important than defying the temple. Jesus did not give himself up on the cross for the covenant of marriage, he died at the cross for each and every person. They are the temple. He came that we should have life and have it more abundantly. Every sermon in a multitude of churches would say pray for your spouse that they might see your example and follow Christ. I thought there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t feel how much God loved me. Finally I was able to see. Let God direct your steps. He loves you.
Pingback:
Anonymous
I tried too see things from their blurred point of view and found I could not put my head that far up my own ass.. no joke when they pretend help is only for the weak fell free to flee. Inhuman
Gay
Thank you for the article, it has been very enlightening. I have just realized recently that I have been dealing with a narc for going on 48 years, I divorced him after 20 yrs of marriage. The evening after we signed the divorce papers, he called me and proceeded to shoot himself as he begged me to come back to him. He did not kill himself but to this day ,27 years later, he is still trying to convince me of his love for me and when I try to get him out of my life for the hundredth time, he stalks me, he belittles me to everyone and accuses me of terrible things. He has had numerous surgeries from the damage that was caused by the gunshot, 6 hernia surgeries and he is disabled because of it. He makes me feel guilty for “causing it”. He has ruined my life, my boy’s lives and has caused many of my friends and family to avoid being around me. I have always felt sorry for him and I spend most of my free time helping him, because of my guilt which he has instilled in me. The doctors say he won’t live much longer as he is living with 1 partial kidney working and refuses dyalisis. What kind of person would I be to just walk away from him and leave him all alone ? This is the life he has made for me. If I had only known or realized the person he is, my life would have been so different and most definitely happier. Thank you again for opening my eyes. I pray my story will help someone else out there. God bless
Annette
Do you mean Richard Grannon?
Nikki Lewis
This was and still is my life completely! He couldn’t have me, so he took my kids and is severely emotionally and mentally abusing them. I am now being accused of the abuse due to what him and his mother has programmed the kids to say. If he cannot have me, no one will yet courts cannot see this. Narcissistic abuse is by far the worst type of abuse there is and I’ve lived it all with this man.