• Communication - Validation

    Validation: How to Love Well

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    Validation is the little-recognized glue than creates and mends relationships. After all, we live in our own selves all day, every day. Understanding someone else’s journey takes effort, in part because clearing the decks of our own experiences is so challenging. But the rewards of validation are great. Validation builds trust, opens previously clogged channels of communication, and creates relationship between the most unlikely pairs. The primary myth about validation is that by affirming someone else, you are signing off on their beliefs. Validation means selling out your position for the sake of peace and a couple of feel-good moments.…

  • language
    abuse - abuser - emotional health - language

    Language: 5 Types of Abuse and How to End It

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    At first, I was going to write about the various layers of healthy boundaries we have, beginning with our skin and ending with our renewed spirit. But I got stuck at language. Most of our boundaries are either created or destroyed by language. We forget that language is first and foremost a creator of reality. It is through language that we discover and articulate our identities. Language, too, is the creator and sustainer of relationships, creating bridges of understanding between people. Redemptively speaking, how we speak and the words we use, even the tones we employ while we communicate, are…

  • marriage
    Featured

    How to Build a Marriage: His Needs, Her Needs

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    Sometimes the over-consumption of books can lead one to mistake knowledge for wisdom. This was surely the case for me when we decided to attend a home group on the topic of marriage at our church, Harvest Cathedral, in Macon, Georgia.  We attended the group on the strength of our fondness for our pastors, Steve and Debbie Sawyer, though without any high expectations. I remember asking a fellow professor once how his marriage was. It was an appropriate question in the context of our conversation. His response was disarmingly honest. He called it, “functional”. I was still in the throes…