How Self-Examination Can Save Your Life

Self-examination is the study of one’s habits, thoughts, and motivations. Most of us are too busy these days to stop and do some careful soul-searching. And why would we? The number of distractions luring us to far more immediately rewarding activities has never been higher. But if you are like me, you have a list of things you would like to accomplish, habits you would like to drop, and maybe some old losses you would like to resolve.

Self-examination does not have to be so arduous. In fact, it can become a habit. The danger of foregoing this particular self-discipline is not dissimilar to the dangers faced by those with leprosy. Contrary to the Hollywood version of leprosy, the fingers and toes do not simply fall off. Leprosy numbs the nerves so sufferers risk infection to the point of gangrene because they don’t feel the pain. If they do not carefully observe all of their body regularly, then injuries can worsen and lead to severe infections.

Our avoidance of pain can do that to our souls. Instead of missing fingers, we allow relationships to drop off, our health to slide, and our savings to diminish. If we engage in some serious contemplation on a regular basis, we lessen the chances that the good things in our lives will slip away. In other words, if we observe ourselves closely, we stand a better chance of interrupting toxic behaviors.

Change is pretty much always uphill. Even with the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, change takes some commitment and desire. So here is a little course on self-examination. Stop yourself regularly and ask yourself these questions. You might be surprised at the answers.

1: What am I doing and do I want to do it?

Much of our behavior is compulsive. We come home from work and we open the fridge. We haven’t planned for dinner and so we order a pizza. Again. After that, ice cream. Or we find ourselves at the mall, needing nothing, wanting everything. Video games, television, social media… I have personally wasted hours on some of these.

So I have learned to stop and ask. What am I doing and why am I doing it? Do I even really want to do it? I have surprised myself over and over again by realizing that I did not truly want to do what I was doing. It was a habit. It was easy. I was bored. This is not a guilt session. It is merely self-examination. An examination is simply asking questions to ascertain one’s current mindset.  Simply asking myself that question has gotten me off my smartphone and between the covers of a book countless times. I have to make an effort to stay engaged with my life and not fall into dissociation. See here for more on dissociation: Dissociation or the Case of the Missing Heart

Interestingly, Christians often dread the question about what they want to do. I see middle-aged women break down in tears when I ask them what they want more than any other question. Sometimes we get a bit muddled and think that the Christian life is about giving up what we want. But really it is more about following Christ and allowing Him to help us grow into larger desires and bigger dreams that require us to rely on Him rather than ourselves. God wants us to do the things for which He created us. Usually, those are the most fulfilling things to do anyway.

2: How would I describe my current mood?

Articulating how one feels is an important part of self-examination. When I find myself doing something that I don’t really want to do, like scrolling through the endless inanities online, I have to ask myself what am I feeling? Usually, I am doing something I don’t want to do in order to avoid feeling something I don’t want to feel.  So much avoidance!

I once asked a class how many of them were feeling anxious at that moment. All but two raised their hands. I could tell because most were staring at their computers or at their phones and were not engaged. I knew also that the material I was teaching was difficult. One cannot look at the influence of the Bible in English literature and at one’s phone and absorb anything. So I asked them to turn off everything. Then I told them to close their eyes and feel as anxious as they could for two minutes. They thought I was crazy. Not the first time this has happened to me.

But what happened next I like to call the ‘secret of the universe’. Please read that with a grain of salt. But at the end of two minutes, I asked the class how they were doing. All but one or two felt great relief. They faced their fear and it subsided in that moment of self-examination. So often if we just honor our emotions with a moment of recognition, they will dissipate into something that feels more manageable. See here for more: Self-regulation

3: What aren’t I seeing?

Driving a big UHaul truck the other day, I nearly ran into a smaller car. Why? She was in my blind spot. We all have blind spots and back seat drivers. I know one lady who regularly panics on a certain day every year. Eventually, she realized it was the anniversary of the day her husband had a heart attack. When I married my current husband after marriage to an abuser, I had quite a few voices in my back seat.

One voice, in particular, assured me that I was an inconvenience. So I would avoid my wonderful but confused new husband for fear of irritating him with my presence. After all, ten years of being told I was an annoyance had left quite an echo. When we both realized what was happening, the issue resolved itself. But not until I asked myself what was I doing? What was I feeling? What was I not seeing?

Don’t think that I offer these as pat answers. Developing the habit of checking in with myself has been a long hard road. I still often forget. I will look up from my phone to see too much time has passed. Or I will go to bed having successfully avoiding what I really wanted to accomplish and feeling guilty over it.

But I often ask people what the greatest gift God ever gave them. They usually say, Jesus. But that isn’t the answer. Our lives are the greatest gift given to us. Without that gift, the marvelous gift of Jesus would be unnecessary. Deep down, we all want to use this gift of life. We all want to enjoy it. But in order to do that, we need to get to know ourselves a bit better. Can’t drive a car if you don’t know how it works. Can’t live the life you want unless you know who you are and what He made you for.

Self-Awareness and Why You Need It to Succeed

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