• fawns
    abuse,  Appeasement,  Codependent,  Trauma Responses

    What is Fawning and How to Stop

    When I first heard the term fawning, described as a trauma response, it hit me pretty hard. An empathetic and desperately self-conscious kid, I eventually grew into an empathetic and self-conscious adult. Marrying a narcissist did nothing to help, and I soon learned to become a people pleaser as a survival tactic. And for a long time after I escaped from my abuser, I didn’t question it. It had become second nature. I tolerated uncomfortable and even abusive relationships in my work and personal life, often falling prey to what I call quasi-narcissists. These people in our lives are self-centered but occasionally have the grace to feel guilty about it.…

  • codependent behavior
    Codependent Behavior

    The Codependent Behavior that Kills Your Joy

    I spent most of my life thinking that codependent behavior was buying alcohol for alcoholics. I pictured a weak but loving person giving some drunk on the street a bottle of booze because at least the addict would be happy for a little while. Or maybe going to the bar, picking their loved one off the floor and taking them home, putting them to bed, only to do it again the next day. My ideas were mostly informed, I believe, by the movies. Turns out codependent behavior is a little more complicated. Turns out I didn’t just have codependent tendencies, but full-blown behaviors that needed to be addressed. So this…

  • codependent
    burden,  codependency,  Codependent,  happiness,  happy,  truth

    The Happiness Manipulator: Codependent Christianity

    One of my greatest strengths lies in my ability to lay down my own desires in order to make someone else happy.  One of my greatest weaknesses lies in the fact that I am willing to give up my desires in order to make someone else happy.  A bit of a paradox, that.  You see, I am a happiness manipulator.  We are used to seeing manipulation in a particularly virulent form on the dramas on television.  Characters lie and set up situations in order to gain power, wealth, whatever.  But me, I just want you to be happy.  And if you are not happy, then I will go to great…