• abuse,  Anxiety,  Communication,  denial

    Deflection: How to Spot and Stop It

    Deflection is a go-to defense mechanism that started in the Garden of Eden. Adam deflected onto Eve and Eve onto the snake. I’m not the bad guy here. He or she is the bad guy! In order to avoid unpleasant emotions or realities in our lives, we distract ourselves and others from the source of the difficulty. We change the conversation to something else entirely. For some of us, being thought of as the bad guy is the worst fate possible. Anyone with children sees this in action daily. If Mommy reprimands Jimmy for hitting his brother, Jimmy will use deflection to draw the attention from himself. Mommy, but Billy…

  • man in argument
    Communication

    The Pharisees’ Argument: Five Logical Fallacies

    The fruitless argument surrounds us these days, permeating all forms of media, the classroom, and even the dinner table. As I was reading in John 9 where Jesus comes into conflict with the Pharisees because He healed a blind man on the Sabbath, I found the arguments hauntingly familiar. Rife with logical fallacies, the arguments of the Pharisees have one goal only: to maintain power at any cost. The story begins with Jesus rubbing clay on the eyes of a blind man and instructing him to wash it off in the Pool of Siloam. Instantly his sight is restored. The Pharisees perceive that given this ability to heal, Jesus could…

  • Controlling Behaviors

    Five Controlling Behaviors You Should Learn to Spot

    We all know people who exhibit controlling behaviors. In fact, when you mention control freaks in a group, it often elicits groans. Stories of crazy exes and former bosses start to come out. It turns afternoon special quickly. But they often exhibit controlling behaviors in everyday communication. Manipulation seems to come easier to some than others. Knowing how to spot it in yourself and others helps us self-correct. If we understand behavior, we can develop a strategy to prevent it. If we spot one in ourselves, we can stop and enter a relationship with more authenticity. If we learn to see it in others, we are less likely to be…