• gaslighting
    abuse,  Narcissism,  narcissist,  narcissistic abuse,  narcissists,  Trauma

    Gaslighting 101: Eight Signs You’re a Victim

    Gaslighting was a way of life for me while I was married to my narcissistic ex-husband. I just didn’t know it. Later, as I became aware of the various techniques of gaslighting, I realized that I had been a gullible victim of this technique. Perhaps I shouldn’t say gullible. The truth is that many victims of narcissistic abuse don’t discern what is happening because their own hearts are not evil. People have a tendency to perceive reality through the lens of their own motivations. If their motivations are pure, it rarely occurs them that others have wicked intent. I frequently get emails from victims of narcissistic abuse. Often, I try…

  • Featured

    Five Signs that Reconciliation is Impossible

    Reconciliation is a world of its own apart from forgiveness. So I hesitated when someone recently asked me, “How long do I need to keep forgiving?” Because I realized the real question was about reconciliation, I didn’t respond with the standard seventy times seven answer.  I suppose we don’t really ever stop forgiving, but knowing when to end futile attempts at reconciliation can be important, even life-saving. I used to be a champion reconciler. What that really means is that I went through the motions of apology and apology acceptance as if they meant something. Sometimes they did. Sometimes they didn’t. I figured that if someone apologized to me, I…

  • magical thinking
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    Magical Thinking versus a Firm Faith

    Magical thinking is a trap into which many fall, particularly when difficult circumstances hit. When I was married to my first husband, a typical narcissistic abuser, I regularly fooled myself into thinking that eventually he would mature out of that stage and morph into a responsible, loving adult. Because of this magical thinking, I dedicated much prayer towards this end, and I closed myself off from what was real. In the process, I endangered both my children and myself. And magical thinking is not merely applied to relational desires. I think money is an area in which I know I tend to use magical thinking rather than taking responsibility. Weight…