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Deflection: How to Spot and Stop It
Deflection is a go-to defense mechanism that started in the Garden of Eden. Adam deflected onto Eve and Eve onto the snake. I’m not the bad guy here. He or she is the bad guy! In order to avoid unpleasant emotions or realities in our lives, we distract ourselves and others from the source of the difficulty. We change the conversation to something else entirely. For some of us, being thought of as the bad guy is the worst fate possible. Anyone with children sees this in action daily. If Mommy reprimands Jimmy for hitting his brother, Jimmy will use deflection to draw the attention from himself. Mommy, but Billy…
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Five Ways Narcissists Use Cognitive Dissonance
Cognitive dissonance occurs when we hold conflicting beliefs at the same time. The results of trying to balance two competing beliefs in one’s mind are often confusion, shame, guilt, and second-guessing one’s self. Cognitive dissonance can cause physical damage as well as it is stressful both mentally and physically. A lowered immune system, raised blood pressure, as well as a host of other symptoms can afflict the sufferer. Life and circumstances often cause some cognitive dissonance. For instance, we know that a particular purchase is not within our budget. We really want this purchase and so we argue with ourselves, employing a lot of rationalization. If we give in, we…
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Gaslighting 101: Eight Signs You’re a Victim
Gaslighting was a way of life for me while I was married to my narcissistic ex-husband. I just didn’t know it. Later, as I became aware of the various techniques of gaslighting, I realized that I had been a gullible victim of this technique. Perhaps I shouldn’t say gullible. The truth is that many victims of narcissistic abuse don’t discern what is happening because their own hearts are not evil. People have a tendency to perceive reality through the lens of their own motivations. If their motivations are pure, it rarely occurs them that others have wicked intent. I frequently get emails from victims of narcissistic abuse. Often, I try…
Healing Through Art & Words
