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From Trauma Bond to Freedom: Our Family’s Journey
During a conversation about the trauma bond with my oldest, she challenged me to write a post that dealt honestly with the difficult journey my four daughters and I took from years of abuse to a healthy and loving blended family unit. The original trauma bond belonged to me and my ex-husband. For reference, a trauma bond is a seemingly iron-clad tie between an abuser and his or her victim. The result of the cycles of abuse that revolve around reward and punishment, the trauma bond has the same psychological effect as a trap has on the leg of a wild animal. Lured by the promise of something good, we…
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Five Predatory Forms of Manipulation to Cut Out of Your Life
Most of us are guilty of manipulation at times. We all want to have our own way and sometimes communicating our desires requires a skill set which we have not yet acquired. Or perhaps we have learned manipulation in our childhoods from parents who learned it from their parents. Manipulation in any form is an illegitimate way of getting what we want. Manipulation, at its ugly heart, is dishonest. The good news is that normal, well-intentioned people respond well to both honesty and genuine attempts at communication. After all, the main goal of real communication is to reach understanding, if not agree with another person. Learning to ask for what…
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Boundaries: Reset and Reinforce Your Broken ‘No’
Some people seem to have the gift of no. Boundaries seem to come easily to them. When asked for favors, money, or permission, they hand out noes with blithe unconcern. Others, like me, feel guilty about denying the requests, even demands of the people in their lives. But if you are naturally compliant, suffered under the rule of authoritarian parents, have undergone abuse, or are simply overly empathetic, then saying no comes at a cost. Strategizing your ‘no’ can help you make and reinforce boundaries that are important to you, whether at home or at work. Before you begin to take back the territory in your life lost to poor…
Healing Through Art & Words
