• fawns
    abuse - Appeasement - Codependent - Trauma Responses

    What is Fawning and How to Stop

    - By 

    When I first heard the term fawning, described as a trauma response, it hit me pretty hard. An empathetic and desperately self-conscious kid, I eventually grew into an empathetic and self-conscious adult. Marrying a narcissist did nothing to help, and I soon learned to become a people pleaser as a survival tactic. And for a long time after I escaped from my abuser, I didn’t question it. It had become second nature. I tolerated uncomfortable and even abusive relationships in my work and personal life, often falling prey to what I call quasi-narcissists. These people in our lives are self-centered…

  • staying home
    narcissistic abuse - PTSD - regret

    The Cost of Staying: Narcissistic Abuse

    - By 

      The devastating cost of being in a narcissistic relationship is often brushed over as if once a person leaves such a relationship, the price is paid. Nothing could be further from the truth. An abusive marriage is a bit like a predatory loan. You will keep paying interest long after the price of the loan is paid. I wish more material existed twenty-five years ago when I debated about divorcing. I didn’t realize then that, in one sense, I was already too late. I could escape in body, but true freedom would come much later. So I thought I…

  • terror
    abuse

    Terror: Snapshots of Narcissistic Abuse

    - By 

    I first experienced terror in a nightmare at the age of 5. I sat on my bedspread, suspended hundreds of feet above the neighborhood below. A string dangled from one corner of the bright green and yellow coverlet, just out of the reach of a horrifying King Kong trying to pull me down from my unsteady perch. I couldn’t move for several heart-stopping moments. When I finally found my scream, I bolted to my parent’s bedroom. Terror feels a bit different as an adult. It is even difficult to write this. My innate dissociative tendencies keep interrupting my chain of…