denial
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Denial: Four Ways It Destroys You and Your Family
Firstly, let me say that I am a past master of denial. One cannot stay in an abusive marriage for as long as I did and not have expertise in the exercise of denial. But often, we misunderstand what exactly is being denied when we talk about this subject. Often, it isn’t the situation that we are unable to face, but our feelings about the situation. I could admit that my husband was abusive. What I couldn’t admit to was the fear, agony, anger, and helplessness I felt within an abusive marriage. And so I convinced myself I was just making the best of a bad situation. When we consider…
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Deflection: How to Spot and Stop It
Deflection is a go-to defense mechanism that started in the Garden of Eden. Adam deflected onto Eve and Eve onto the snake. I’m not the bad guy here. He or she is the bad guy! In order to avoid unpleasant emotions or realities in our lives, we distract ourselves and others from the source of the difficulty. We change the conversation to something else entirely. For some of us, being thought of as the bad guy is the worst fate possible. Anyone with children sees this in action daily. If Mommy reprimands Jimmy for hitting his brother, Jimmy will use deflection to draw the attention from himself. Mommy, but Billy…
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Self-Awareness vs Narcissism: How to Tell the Difference
Self-awareness is to sensitivity as narcissism is to self-absorption. Many make the mistake of glossing over the term self-awareness as one of those jargon words like facilitate, monetize, or self-actualization. Christians, in particular, are often suspicious of any word that begins with self. We forget that the injunction to love others as we love ourselves presupposes necessary self-love. But self-awareness is the polar opposite of narcissism. Narcissism projects onto the world an image, while the true self, like the portrait hidden in Dorian Grey’s attic, grows less recognizable with time. The cry of the narcissist is “I have been cheated!” Narcissists seek to escape themselves. Those with even a modicum…
