False Refuges
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Denial: Four Ways It Destroys You and Your Family
Firstly, let me say that I am a past master of denial. One cannot stay in an abusive marriage for as long as I did and not have expertise in the exercise of denial. But often, we misunderstand what exactly is being denied when we talk about this subject. Often, it isn’t the situation that we are unable to face, but our feelings about the situation. I could admit that my husband was abusive. What I couldn’t admit to was the fear, agony, anger, and helplessness I felt within an abusive marriage. And so I convinced myself I was just making the best of a bad situation. When we consider…
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Shame Free: Taking off the Invisibility Cloak
Anyone who spends a good amount of time longing for invisibility has a struggle with shame and/or anxiety on their hands. I should know. I still occasionally wish that I could slip through life unnoticed. Invisibility can seem so safe, especially for a survivor of abuse. Whenever conflict rears its ugly head, my mind and body still kick into flight mode. Some people are fighters and launch themselves into the fray. Others, like myself, turn to invisibility to minimize the attention of those around us. We freeze like the bunny wondering if the wolf has caught its scent. I want to look at the emotional roots of this phenomenon because…
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False Refuges: Learning to Trust Yourself after Abuse
I learned to escape into false refuges early on into my first marriage. My first marriage taught me that I couldn’t trust God. After all, I prayed for my ex-husband extensively and nothing ever happened. He must be one of the most prayed for humans on the planet since my mother spent a lot of her prayer time having a go at him as well. Because my prayers didn’t work and God did not change my ex from a narcissistic abuser into a good guy, I lost my trust in a God who changed people. I didn’t pray for people for a long time. I didn’t think it would do…
