Shame & Guilt
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Three Questions That Lead to Self Forgiveness
After a decade of no contact, my sixteen year old daughter lived with her father for about six months. While I didn’t sleep a full night during that time, she seemed happy for the first three. After that, things began to go south rather quickly, and soon, she came home, to both of our relief. One day soon after, while we were at the grocery store, she mentioned that her whole life she had assumed that our divorce was her fault. She had never mentioned this to me, the idea that somehow my divorce from an abuser could be laid at her feet. But before I could begin my strenuous objections…
- confession, freedom, Imaginative Prayer, mindfulness, prayer, relationship, Self Awareness, Shame & Guilt
Mindfulness and Confession: Reflections in the Mirror
Mindfulness, in the early stages of my Christianity, did not exist, though I sure knew about confession. I believed the truest thing about me was a list of all my sins. And as a person for whom shame was a way of being, the idea of confessing my sins to someone else besides God seemed impossible. To begin with, I couldn’t even share my feelings with others, much less those faults and weaknesses I perceived in myself. I could barely admit my feelings to myself, much less others. I remember at one point listing out all of my transgressions on a sheet of paper and presenting them to God. I…
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Confessions of a Five Year Old Runaway
My confessions start when I was very young. It all started with the maroon polyester pantsuit. Feeling ugly and uncomfortable, I remember sitting on the sidewalk refusing to go anywhere in that garish monster of an outfit, wishing I could scrape the itchy thing off like Job’s boils. And then the persistent diet of fried eggs in the morning. Is anything worse than the viscous undercooked egg white slipping down the throat? It became clear to me that it was time to part ways. I filled the old stained Samsonite suitcase with all my belongings and somehow managed to haul it down the green shag-carpeted stairs of the tiny apartment…
