Five Signs of a Covert Narcissist: Judas Iscariot

The marks of a covert narcissist are not very different from those of most narcs. They all wish to appear as important and particularly righteous or better than others. The main difference is that a covert narcissist lacks the aggression and the overt behaviors of most narcs. Generally passive-aggressive, the covert narcissist often plays the victim while quietly undermining others. The covert narcissist does in secret what most other narcissists do in the open.

But the signs of any narcissist remain the same. Here is a short list:

• A personal sense of grandiosity
• A fantasy life that revolves around being influential, famous, and/or important
• A frequent exaggeration of their intelligence and accomplishments
• A need for admiration
• A preoccupation with beauty, love, power, success, and/or money
• A sense of entitlement
• The exploitation of others to obtain the above
• A lack of empathy toward others

As I looked at the few things the Bible does say about Judas, I began to see a pattern of behavior that supported the idea that he was a covert narcissist. Remember, the goal of a covert narcissist as compared to their more flamboyant brethren is to achieve the same goals without detection. One might say they are simply more introverted than their more aggressive counterparts. So here are the signs that Judas either had or developed these disastrous traits.

1: A covert narcissist puffs himself up while subtly putting others down.

Judas in John 12: 5 responds to Mary breaking an expensive bottle of perfume over Jesus’ feet by saying,

Then said one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, which should betray him, Why was not this ointment sold for three hundred pence, and given to the poor?

Judas sneakily criticizes both Jesus and Mary by touting his own concern for the poor. I imagine the scene as Judas, fake concern oozing from his voice, insinuates that this act of worship came at the cost of the poor starving people in the streets. He is obviously virtue signaling here, though ineffectively, as we will see.

2: A covert narcissist deflects attention from his own wrongdoing.

In the very next verse, Judas’ true intent is exposed. John 12:6 reads:

               This he said, not that he cared for the poor; but because he was a thief, and had the bag, and stole what was put therein.

If Judas protests loudly at the plight of the poor, he draws attention away from the rather fluid contents of the treasure box. A typical covert narcissist, he proclaims his love of the poor loudly while stealing from them in the same breath.

3: Judas craved attention:

The next verse in John 12 has Jesus responding. His response is interesting because Jesus undoes what Judas is attempting to do which is to draw attention from Mary’s extraordinary act of worship back onto himself.

Then said Jesus, Let her alone: against the day of my burying hath she kept this.

I love that Jesus draws the attention back to Mary. I’m sure He saw through the machinations of Judas.

4: A covert narcissist will betray you while still attempting to act innocent.

Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss. If that isn’t the most covert narcissistic act I have ever heard of, I don’t know what is. Up until the very end, Judas pretends that he is one of Jesus’ followers. Jesus doesn’t let him get away with it, of course, asking him in front of everyone if he is really going to betray the Son of Man with a kiss.

5: Judas could not withstand public derision.

I suspect Judas thought he had the best of both worlds for a while. After all, Jesus was pretty well-known and Judas got to associate himself with the man going around healing people and raising them from the dead. I believe most pastors have to deal with such impostors occasionally. Covert narcs like to attach themselves to people in authority. They do it in order to borrow that authority but in their hearts, they covet it and often, intentionally bring a pastor down in order to take his or her place.

But the tables turned on him. The disciples obviously kicked him out but even the priests who had bought him off saw him as a worm. Judas had carefully cultivated both sets in order to rise higher in one group or the other. When it became obvious that Jesus would be executed, he made his choice and thought he would achieve some grand praise. But no one reveres a traitor.

Narcissists generally do not commit suicide. The only time they are likely to is if they are subjected to public shame. In fact, therapy for narcissists rarely, if ever, succeeds because they become severely depressed when facing their true nature. Their shaky sense of self cannot withstand the truth about who they are and what they have done.

No one but Jesus suspected Judas, which is the goal of every covert narcissist. I imagine he served as quite a warning to the other disciples. That our deeds will be brought to light serves as a corrective to the righteous. Those who disregard God will face judgment without the shield of atonement that Jesus obtained at the cross.

If you have a covert narcissist in your life or suspect you do, make sure you observe them carefully. Their secretive nature can create wide swaths of destruction in individual lives as well as the church.

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