Five Ways to Contend for Your Recovery from Trauma

Recovery from extended abuse is measured over a lifetime, though often it comes in fits and spurts. Revelations and aha moments come to those who are looking for them. I am often amused by the ‘unpopular opinion’ memes, but tonight I find myself holding one of my very own. More people avoid recovery than seek it.

The world is filled with people who do not have the opportunity or means to heal, whether from extreme poverty, isolation, or even a lack of any spiritual or mental health resources. But this is not true of most people with whom I come into regular contact.

And I get it. Confronting the evils of the past is arduous and painful. It cannot be done quickly, nor is absolute success guaranteed. It can take going through a number of churches, counselors, and doctors until we find the ones who get it, who get us. I regularly am asked what I did to get where I am now. I often don’t know how to answer that question because I am still on the road. I am still fighting for the kind of peace that settles deep in our spirit and doesn’t leave. I still can’t say the names I have been called out loud. But I am more whole than I was. And I believe that next year I will be more whole than I am now.

So for those who have asked the question, here are the ways I have fought my way out of PTSD, anxiety, dissociation, and co-dependence:

1: I read books on recovery.

For ten bucks you get world-class mentors and counseling appointments with renowned doctors and pastors. In fact, I wouldn’t even know that what I suffered was narcissistic abuse if I wasn’t a reader. This may surprise some of you who follow my posts on narcissistic abuse, but I didn’t know what that was until years after I left my first husband. But reading is what taught me what was healthy and what wasn’t.

God was so good to me. He gave me a job at a small Christian college with all the latest books in its library. I had free access to the wisest men and women on the planet. They are the ones who taught me that I wasn’t responsible for my ex’s happiness. Those writers taught me that I didn’t have to be afraid to tell God who I really was. Those books taught me how to pray. A world of knowledge is at our fingertips. How can we fight for our freedom if we do not adequately equip ourselves?

2: I got help when and where I could.

My very first inner healing appointment was with my chiropractor who happened to be trained in prayer ministry. I went to every conference about family health and healing that were available to me. I even trained in every modality of inner healing I could so that I could practice on myself. I was open and if a door presented itself, I went through it.

It requires a lot of humility to seek healing. My first counseling appointment was so stressful. My wise counselor could see right through me and I knew it. But I faced the tears and the embarrassment and to my utter surprise, I discovered empathy. I wasn’t alone. What happened to me was really bad. I wasn’t making it up. And best of all, I didn’t have to go through it again.

Was that part of recovery hard? It really was. But when a prayer minister led me through an exercise in which my shame at being abused evaporated in the presence of Jesus, it became completely worth it. I owe this blog to the healers who helped me on the way. I can talk freely about events most people cover-up. I suffered some horrendous abuse and the only shame belongs to my abuser.

3: I opened myself to new things.

Sometimes medication is a necessary step on the path to wellness. It was a part of my journey for a while. Mindfulness, the practice of being present to oneself, seemed hokey, but it really works for me. In the world of inner healing there exist modalities that ought not to work, but they do. I was willing to try anything as long as it didn’t contradict scripture.

Many people contact me on their recovery journey and they have a list of things they will not do, or they do not need. And I understand. After all, one of the most healing things afterlife with abuse is some control over your own life again. But I have been turned down by countless people who ask for my advice but don’t actually want it. I have learned to never offer inner healing to anyone. I know that if they want it, nothing will stop them from getting it.

4: I believe in recovery. I believe in healing.

This seems obvious but I have discovered that a great many people do not believe they can ever get better. Or they think they don’t need it. It really does take faith to walk down this road. And while occasionally some healing is miraculously quick, I find that recovery is a journey you take one step at a time. I think of it as lifting weights. A bodybuilder doesn’t start with heavyweights; he builds up his strength over time.

The same is true for recovery. I had to build up a tolerance for negative emotions. I could not access my anger for a long time. I stuffed my grief way down deep. But over time, I learned to feel these difficult emotions and not fear them. When a person can welcome grief and anger, feel them, and then let them go, some real healing has taken place. For perspective, it took me over a decade to face the devastation. I am still facing it now as I see the evidence of trauma in each of my daughters. But at least I don’t have to anesthetize myself while I look at my catalog of losses. That’s a win.

5: I stick close to Jesus.

This post makes me a little uncomfortable. Each of the points begins with ‘I’. But I only really know what has worked for me in the nineteen years I have inched my way out of bondage. And Jesus is really the one who deserves the credit. He brought people in my life who held up my hands when I was weak. He rescued me from me over and over. He still does.

My blogs occasionally attract negative comments. They usually revolve around accusing God of being a narcissist. That makes me so sad for them. Jesus has rescued me from every shameful act ever done to me as well as every sinful reaction I have ever had towards my abuser.

Jesus takes onto His body on the cross all the misery, all the bitterness, the embarrassment, wrath, and anguish for me.

And He never stops looking for me, my true self, under all the trauma. And He loves me enough to draw me out from the darkness onto sunlit paths only He can make straight and beside waters only He can still. Really, all these five things only serve to point to Him. He is the door to recovery. If He is opening a door for you, it will cost you to walk through it. But it will cost you far more to turn away.

You are the Pearl of Great Price

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