• loyalty
    Narcissism,  narcissist,  narcissistic abuse

    Loyalty vs Casting Pearls before Narcissists

    A reader recently asked a question about the line between healthy loyalty and codependency. I didn’t have an immediate answer so I took some time to really think about it. I looked up the definition of loyalty and it surprised me a little. The first word listed is devotion. The next words are more familiar; faithfulness, allegiance, support. Those rang truer to me until I began to remember my relationship with my narcissistic ex-husband. A turning point in my heart came when I heard a preacher say We worship what we fear. The words messed with me because I was trying to follow Jesus. I considered myself as worshiping only…

  • invisibility
    Anxiety,  Emotion,  emotional health,  False Refuges,  Identity,  Shame & Guilt

    Shame Free: Taking off the Invisibility Cloak

    Anyone who spends a good amount of time longing for invisibility has a struggle with shame and/or anxiety on their hands. I should know. I still occasionally wish that I could slip through life unnoticed. Invisibility can seem so safe, especially for a survivor of abuse.  Whenever conflict rears its ugly head, my mind and body still kick into flight mode. Some people are fighters and launch themselves into the fray. Others, like myself, turn to invisibility to minimize the attention of those around us. We freeze like the bunny wondering if the wolf has caught its scent. I want to look at the emotional roots of this phenomenon because…

  • home
    decluttering,  Emotion,  Featured,  Presence,  Self-awareness

    Coming Home to Yourself

    The concept of home is one that is over-romanticized, over-marketed, and even a source of competition. I am not dismissing the need for shelter, quite the contrary. And I love creating a sanctuary from the world and its pressures. But the coziest home ever, following al the best hygge practices will only feel as safe as our own heart. One of our favorite things to decry about today’s society is our endless methods of escaping our external realities. I love to read. Sometimes I binge British television. Sugar and sleep are favorites too. And sometimes I just go blank. The fiction is that we are trying to escape some external…