• gratitude
    Gratitude,  mindfulness

    How to Have Gratitude without Faking It

    My ability to have gratitude has grown with my capacity to tell myself the truth. I used to think that offering the sacrifice of praise that the book of James recommends meant I had to pretend to be thankful for some really awful things.  In 1 Thessalonians 5:18 we read In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. So occasionally I would wind up my thanksgiving machine and thank God for things for which to this day I am not thankful. What I have since learned about the sovereign hand of God and gratefulness is life-changing, but really could only come at with the…

  • self-awareness
    denial,  Self-awareness,  success

    Self-Awareness vs Narcissism: How to Tell the Difference

    Self-awareness is to sensitivity as narcissism is to self-absorption. Many make the mistake of glossing over the term self-awareness as one of those jargon words like facilitate, monetize, or self-actualization.  Christians, in particular, are often suspicious of any word that begins with self. We forget that the injunction to love others as we love ourselves presupposes necessary self-love.  But self-awareness is the polar opposite of narcissism. Narcissism projects onto the world an image, while the true self, like the portrait hidden in Dorian Grey’s attic, grows less recognizable with time.  The cry of the narcissist is “I have been cheated!”  Narcissists seek to escape themselves. Those with even a modicum…

  • abuse,  codependency,  narcissist,  narcissistic abuse,  relationship

    Narcissistic Marriage: The Five Lies That Bind

    Staying in a narcissistic relationship takes a lot of commitment.  After all, the benefits of the relationship are fleeting at best, while the daily slog of being someone’s personal slave is exhausting.  I have opened up in this blog because I feel led by the Lord to tell my story as a way of owning it.  And one of the most difficult things about admitting to my past is that I am generally perceived as a competent, even gifted, woman.  People ask, without meaning to hurt me, “How did you get trapped in such a circumstance?” The truth is that narcissists often target intelligent, strong women.  Where’s the challenge, otherwise?…