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The Christian Narcissist: Tares among the Wheat
Just the term, Christian narcissist, should be an oxymoron. Someone once told me that the difference between a tare or a weed and a shaft of wheat is impossible to tell until harvest. When wheat is ready to be reaped, its head, heavy with kernels, droops down as if in prayer. Tares always maintain a rigid upright position. So the metaphor holds firm. In humans, the difference between a Christian and a narcissist is the difference between humility and pride. Since I started my blog a little over two years ago, over one hundred women have contacted me about their husbands who, more often than not, are pastors. Usually, they…
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Trusting Yourself Again After Narcissistic Abuse
Trusting yourself to make good decisions when recovering from trauma related to abuse is a journey that takes a bit of time. I often hear from men and women who find themselves doubting themselves, unable to take risks in relationships and generally stuck in self-imposed isolation. Trusting one’s self after being trapped in an abusive relationship takes some intentionality and a bit of wisdom. Additionally, many of us receive a message from the church which further separates us from ourselves. If the world, the flesh, and the devil are our worst enemies, then we learn to shun the first, ignore the middle one (our flesh) and flee the last. But…
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Deflection: How to Spot and Stop It
Deflection is a go-to defense mechanism that started in the Garden of Eden. Adam deflected onto Eve and Eve onto the snake. I’m not the bad guy here. He or she is the bad guy! In order to avoid unpleasant emotions or realities in our lives, we distract ourselves and others from the source of the difficulty. We change the conversation to something else entirely. For some of us, being thought of as the bad guy is the worst fate possible. Anyone with children sees this in action daily. If Mommy reprimands Jimmy for hitting his brother, Jimmy will use deflection to draw the attention from himself. Mommy, but Billy…
Healing Through Art & Words
