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Conflict: Four Common Misconceptions
I remember attending a seminar about conflict about a dozen years ago. The speaker made the point that conflict in and of itself isn’t good or bad. It is merely an event that must be dealt with. I don’t know if I fully agree with that. Conflict feels pretty awful much of the time, at least to an empathetic person like me who wants everyone to hold hands and sing Kum bah Yah. Another speaker on the same topic held up a dollar bill in the middle of the room. He made the point that each side of the room saw a totally different side of the same thing. Neither…
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Denial: Four Ways It Destroys You and Your Family
Firstly, let me say that I am a past master of denial. One cannot stay in an abusive marriage for as long as I did and not have expertise in the exercise of denial. But often, we misunderstand what exactly is being denied when we talk about this subject. Often, it isn’t the situation that we are unable to face, but our feelings about the situation. I could admit that my husband was abusive. What I couldn’t admit to was the fear, agony, anger, and helplessness I felt within an abusive marriage. And so I convinced myself I was just making the best of a bad situation. When we consider…
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Your Abusive Spouse: When to Leave
Leave your abusive spouse now. Before anyone protests the sanctity of the marriage vow, let me say that I don’t take this answer lightly. And let me qualify the term, abusive spouse. Most people are occasionally emotionally ‘abusive’. These days that term is loosely bandied about and it can be difficult to ferret out what one or another individual means by it. Ironically, many abusers accuse their spouses of abusive behavior in an attempt to deflect their own wrongdoing. So let’s be clear by what this term really entails. Many people shut down, withdraw, lose their temper, and sulk. As humans, we are sometimes passive-aggressive, over-step a boundary, or let…
Healing Through Art & Words
