Post Narcissist Stress Disorder: 3 Signs You Suffer

Post Narcissist Stress Disorder is a relatively new addition to the DSM. It is also an ironic one, given that Narcissistic Personality Disorder was removed from the same volume in 2013 to the protests of the majority of psychologists who know anything about the disorder. But academics aside, Post Narcissistic Stress Disorder is a diagnosis here to stay. The narcissists who abound in today’s society will see to it.

The emotional trauma one endures with a narcissist is severe. Some survivors must struggle with symptoms similar to soldiers returning from war. The levels of abuse endured in a relationship with a narc can cause traumas as severe, though without the same recognition given to battle-weary soldiers. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, read this list carefully. If you don’t find a way to escape, this could be your future. If you have escaped, this list might help you put a name to your internal agonies.

Post Narcissist Stress Disorder Symptoms:

1: Painful memories and flashbacks of the abuse regularly surface.

I found for at least a decade after escaping from my abuser that I had some pretty sensitive trigger areas. If I sensed a lack of empathy in an exchange, my body would shake and picture of my ex would flash across my mind. Even now, when I come across someone low on the compassion spectrum, certain expressions of contempt can cause a belated cascade of memories.

Dreams, too, turned nightmarish on occasion. I remember a dream where I was on a farm, not unlike the one we lived on in Kentucky. In my dream, I saw my ex trying to repair the fence around it. I watched in horror as he carefully placed a baby chick on the head of each nail he used on the fence, smashing it with his hammer as he pounded the nail in. Later I realized that those chicks represented the innocence that my daughters and I lost in living with him. But those dreams could take me right back to reliving his cruelty and his enjoyment of torturing us.

2: Post Narcissistic Trauma Syndrome decimates the victim’s self-esteem.

I still remember begging the Lord to make me a good wife, as if that could somehow help. But that is just the fruit of all the humiliation sown into a narcissist’s victim. Self-doubt often assails a newly escaped man or woman. They wonder what they could have done differently. Only time and good therapy help make sense of the deliberate abuse of the narcissist.

But until I faced the devastating knowledge that my abuser had purposely set out to destroy me and any sense of reality I possessed, I was in danger of falling into that cycle again. I accepted treatment from subsequent relationships that I would never countenance now. Rebuilding a sense that one is worthy of love and deserving of respect takes loads of self-care and intention.

3. 3: Post-Narcissistic Stress Disorder makes reintegration into normal life challenging.

For me, the ability to write posts like this is so freeing, though I will admit that it costs me. After years of abuse, I was not only exhausted but felt I would never find my way emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I felt very isolated from my family and I experienced a sense of depersonalization for quite a while. The dissociation only went away with lots of inner healing and therapy with someone who understood narcissistic abuse. For me, Post Narcissistic Syndrome meant that I did not know how to receive in a relationship. I was often paranoid that if I expressed my true feelings, then I would be abandoned.

Just like a soldier returning from war, a Post Narcissist Stress Disorder survivor has to relearn normal interactions. I tried to be the perfect girlfriend and eventually, the perfect wife. My worth was completely dependent upon whatever man I was in love with at the time. The soldier may have to learn to be soft and gentle again. I had to grow a backbone. Abuse had taught me that showing emotion and expressing my thoughts was dangerous. I had to reset my idea of safe. No, that is not accurate. I had to learn what safe really was.

The other symptoms of Post Narcissist Stress Syndrome look a lot like PTSD. Here is a short list to refresh your memory. I suffered from several of these, and in fact, occasionally still do.

1. Insomnia or trouble focusing
2. Hyper-vigilance and always taking careful note of one’s surroundings
3. Stress reactions to any conflict or flashes of anger
4. High anxiety levels even when things are normal
5. Conflicting emotions, even about people who are kind
6. An inability to accept love or praise
7. A distorted view of self and tendency to self-blame
8. Physical and emotional responses that are out of sync with the situation

I was pretty slow to understand my situation. As a single mom of four, I thought I had a handle on everything. I am high-functioning and so when I was depressed or sadness washed over me, I kept on keeping on. But as I began to put a vocabulary to my story with words like narcissism and trauma, I began to allow myself to unravel some of my own story.

I remember being at a school meeting for one of my daughters. Her teacher was expressing displeasure at her performance. He did not know, as I did, what she had been through with her father as well as a string of suicides among her friends. My husband, who did not understand how triggered I was, asked her why she wasn’t turning in her homework. I almost passed out from anxiety. It took every ounce of self-control for me to make it out of the room.

Now I realize that I was suffering from a pretty severe case of Post Narcissistic Stress Syndrome. I felt the whole thing was my fault. I was a bad mother. I felt publicly humiliated. I read contempt where there was probably only concern. But that is the nature of trauma. It shows its terror-stricken face at inopportune moments.

For me, Jesus has been the real answer. He is gentle with me but truthful. I don’t know who I would have been if I had not suffered from a decade of abuse. But I know who I am now, thanks to a loving God who loves me tenderly and faithfully. He sent the healers I needed when I was ready. And I see Him do that for others all the time. Post Narcissist Stress Disorder can be a temporary diagnosis, not a lifetime reality with Him.

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